Reflections from the Sauna

There is nothing like a little heat in a sauna to clear the mind and help you to focus. Last week, I was dripping like an athlete (my family knowing how un-athletic I am would laugh at that) in the sauna at the gym and pondering how/why I came to writing a blog, reading gay literature, emailing guys in the life and anticipating going to my first Pride event. Here is what I learned about myself. My life has always revolved around family. In the last 2 years, I have lost 2 people who were close to me -MyOtherMom and Myson2. MyOtherMom was taken by cancer this year, and Myson2 by AIDS in 2003. Now these were two of the closest people to me in the world. MyOtherMom treated me like her own son, anticipated my needs, catered to me, spoiled me, you name it. She never asked why I didn't remarry, but I'm sure in her heart she knew but didn't judge, criticize or reject me. She was my rock after Momma died (also of cancer) and helped ease the pain of losing someone so close. But now, there is a big void. I find myself having to fill that void and I am doing so through new friends in a life that I should have been a part of years ago, but did not. This is not going to be a long entry. I will say to my new friends whom I have met through this blog - thanks for your emails, your IM's, your conversations, etc. Forgive me if I make mistakes as I am just learning the rules. I'll see you around.