Saturday, December 03, 2005

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships (Part IV)

This final entry concludes the interview with Libra03. Remember, if you're a victim, seek help. If you're an abuser, seek help.

Fratman1906: Let's shift gears. Have you ever been a victim of abuse or violence?
Libra03: I dont know if i would say I was a victim, but me and my first fought once
Fratman1906: How and why did that happen?
Libra03: Jealousy my behalf.....funny thing is that we wasn’t even together at the time...just living together
Fratman1906: What led to the fight?
Libra03: Well, we didn’t have the healthiest relationship. It was my first gay relationship so I knew nothing aside from all that what led to the fight was that he was sneaky to me, and I never trusted him.
Fratman1906: And when you got into the fight, did you leave each other after that?
Libra03: I became like almost obsessive with jealousy, but yes we broke up.
Fratman1906: What did you learn from that episode?
Libra03: We have incidents prior to this one though, usually with me hitting him. It was unhealthy and there really was no point. Funny thing is that I viewed it as a fight between to males at the time. Now I see it differently.
Fratman1906: It was still violence within a domestic/romantic relationship.
Libra03: yes...and it was because I didn’t know how to direct my anger and frustration with him.
Fratman1906: There doesn't necessarily have to be one stronger and one weaker person in domestic violence situations. Both may be equally yoked, but physical or mental abuse is still problematic. Is this the person whom you pushed through a window?
Libra03: Yes, during our last fight that happened. It was my actions that started it but he hit me first. The thing is at the time I looked at it as we are both males and it was self defense. I think most people look at it that way and that is why they remain in those situations
Fratman1906: You said this was your first gay relationship. How long had you entertained the idea of hooking up with another male? Were you out? How long?
Libra03: I wasn’t out....I always knew i was interested in guys....I met him when i was 21, and this happened over the span of 2-3 years.
Fratman1906: Did this have any effect on your subsequent relationships, especially involving long term partners?
Libra03: If anything it helped me for the better. I can remember Friend and me getting into an argument one night, and it could have escalated to a fight.
Fratman1906: Did your previous experience help you to pull back?
Libra03: did. I was not interested in fighting him, but he told me later that he felt as if he wanted to fight me.
Fratman1906: Why do you think he felt that way?
Libra03: He was really angry and intoxicated. Something happened prior to that he didn’t like. He doesn’t like to feel controlled and I think that is the way he felt with me sometimes. Not that i tried to control him, but it came off that way
Fratman1906: Do you think Friend is comfortable with his sexual orientation or still coming to grips?
Libra03: I think he is way more comfortable since he was with me. I think he will agree that I made him more comfortable with himself
Fratman1906: Having witnessed Jason & JM along with your own experience, what advice would you give SGL couples and is there anything else you want to add?
Libra03: That no matter if its a male/male or female/female or male/female relationship that violence between partners is still domestic violence. Its no different just because you are the same sex and ceteris paribus; it is still domestic violence. In this type pf situation the healthiest thing for you to do is remove yourself from it because I think that the level violence is worst in gay relationships than hetero relationships. I don’t have the reason why but I would surely like to find out why.

Shem hotep!


Man Seeking to R.I.S.E said...

Reading these two conversations brings back so many memories. I'm going to begin writing a journal. I have so many thoughts to get out. Who knows what it'll turn into. I'm glad I found your blog. I need to resolve some personal issues.

ProfessorGQ said...

great interview!!! I had not heard this subject being tackled in so long...I went to a workshop on domestic abuse in sex-same households in early 2004.

DaLite1 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DaLite1 said...

ok.....sorry but i been gone for a minute..glad to see you finally posted the rest of this blog..this is a very touchy matter that a lot of people tend to overlook. As a gay male in a gay relationship, I know that it is important for us to be aware that these things do go on not only in heterosexual relationships but also homosexual relationships.....keep up the good work...btw...the tape should be there this week!!!!!(wink)