Monday, September 11, 2006

I am still here

I know it has been a minute since I have written on this blog or posted on some others. To all of you who have sent emails or "what ups" I want to say thank you and that I appreciate you so very much. One of the things I have learned about blogging is that beyond the ruminations on sundry topics, there also exists the possibility to develop some very good friendships.

I have discovered some wonderful people on this journey that began for me in March 2005. No doubt some of you will be with me until our appointed time. I have no plans for an early departure, but I just wanted to say thanks for some great memories and conversations. One of the best things to have happened to me is to have started a conversation with someone on a blog (I have 2 going), have that conversation move to telephone, then to a meeting, and to open up the possibility for more.

I read just this weekend on a blog the question "Is it possible to be in a relationship where one person cares more than the other." I can say unequivocably yes, and I would further add that the one who cares more really needs to have a strong and realistic sense of how that relationship is constructed and where it is going to remain in it. This may seem like rambling now, and you may well have guessed that I find myself in just such a place. Nevertheless, it is based on honest conversation between us, and therefore we are both fully aware that this may never reach "the mountaintop."

I am not sure why we sometimes love so deeply those that we cannot have. His reasons are sound and valid. Doesn't make it hurt any less though when you feel your life has been changed in a way that cannot ever be restored. I am riding out a hurricane of emotions, but I know that inevitably the storm will pass and I will survive.

And while I cannot sing all of this song just yet, I believe it will happen for me with someone:

Larry Graham - "One In A Million You"
Love had played its games on me so long
I started to believe I'd never find anyone
Doubt had tried to convince me to give in,
said, "You can't win"
But one day the sun came a shinin· through
The rain had stopped and the skies were blue
And oh, what a revelation to see
Someone was saying "I love you" to me

A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
I was a lonely man with empty arms to fill
Then I found a piece of happiness to call my own
And life is worth livin·again
For to love you to me is to live

A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
One in a million you
A one in a million you


Hotep my friends.