Seasoned_Yet_New_In_Da_Life

DADT and Amendment 10-A

2011-09-20T15:08:00.002-04:00

Today is a unique day in the United States military. As of today, same gender loving (sgl) individuals may serve openly without the fear of losing their career, their benefits and their ability to make the ultimate sacrifice if necessary for the defense of their country. The Don't Ask; Don't Tell was a devil's bargain struck during the Clinton administration as a political compromise on a campaign promise by the then presidential nominee to gain the votes of the GLBT community. I say devil's bargain because men and women continued to suffer the effects of discrimination that should have ended in the 1970's rather than masquerading as a "kinder, gentler" form of discrimination.

Likewise, it is a unique day in the Presbytery of Greater Atlanta as local presbyterians seek a compromise policy that will allow congregations opposed to the change in the national constitution to allow the ordinations of openly gay and practicing gays and lesbians for service to the church. Once again, this body is coming to grips with change following an ecclesiastical compromise by the reuniting northern and southern churches that had called for ordination standard to include requirements of fidelity within marriage and chastity without. Those noble and lofty spiritual arrows were aimed specifically at same gender loving Presbyterians.

The military has taken from December 2010 to September 2011 to prepare soldiers to perform their duties in this changed environment. You would think that heterosexual soldiers had never been in combat or served with homosexual soldiers and thus a whole new culture is required to integrated SGL soldiers into the service. Likewise, the Presbyterian church is struggling to create a spiritual climate that avoids schism and everybody can "just get along."

Well, here is my take on it all. The United States Armed Forces did not collapse when President Truman issued an executive order that integrated our military. And Presbyterians have always gotten mad, created new Presbyterian denominations (there are currently 9 PC denominations in the U.S. alone), and continued to discern the will of God on earth.

So, the sun will rise tomorrow. Same gender loving soldiers will go to their jobs and yield outstanding service while preparing to "give the last full measure of their devotion" for the cause, and Presbyterian churches will open their doors on Sunday with heterosexual and homosexual parishioners singing from the same hymnbooks.

Grace and peace and Semper FI to you all.

Amen.

Court rejects appeal over DC gay marriage law

2011-01-21T20:20:00.002-05:00

I have not seen much in the press on this Supreme Court decision which has a major impact in the gay community. Yahoo news published it but did not permit comments. I am posting it for comment. It is definitely a major step and especially for a conservative leaning Supreme Court for the moment. Other cases to watch include the California Prop 8 challenge which has been sent by the Ninth Circuit back to the California Supreme Court to determine whether the challengers to the District Court ruling have legal standing to bring the case before the courts. Meanwhile, how do you feel about the U. S. Supreme Court's rejection of the appeal to overturn same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia?

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Supreme Court has rejected an appeal from opponents of same-sex marriage who want to overturn the District of Columbia's gay marriage law.

The court did not comment Tuesday in turning away a challenge from a Maryland pastor and others who are trying to get a measure on the ballot to allow Washingtonians to vote on a measure that defines marriage as between a man and a woman.

Bishop Harry Jackson led a lawsuit against the district's Board of Elections and Ethics after it refused to put that initiative on the ballot. The board ruled that the ballot question would in effect authorize discrimination.

Last year, Washington began issuing marriage licenses for same-sex couples and in 2009, it began recognizing gay marriages performed elsewhere.

Same Sex Marriage - Proposition 8 in California

2010-08-14T13:02:00.003-04:00

The following comment was posted by RP in response to the federal court decision in California invalidating Proposition 8 which defined marriage as between a man and woman only.

"The Equal Protection Clause, part of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, provides that "no state shall … deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws"

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Boarding a plane isn't a constitutional right, neither is employment, but to deny people those things based on race or sexuality is an infringement on the individuals civil rights and fundamental freedom it is contrary to The Equal Protection Clause, of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.
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The Supreme Court of the United States ruled the following in its decision, ending laws which banned marriage between "whites" and "colors" in the case:
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Loving v. Virginia- "Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival…. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment."

Why is it so important to call it marriage?"
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Because the same but different isn't equal. Just as taps for blacks and taps for whites where not equal neither is a civil union equal to marriage. Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic. It is not owned by your church it predates them all.
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"decide on an issue not expressly included in the Constitution?
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You seem to have confused the role of the constitution in this, no one is arguing that marriage is a constitutional right rather that there is a constitutional right to equal access to and protections of the law for what is a basic civil right and fundamental freedom. If the law recognizes marriage of straight couples it MUST recognize the marriage of same sex couples!
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If your confusion lies in the belief that the church owns marriage, that is not the case the US government or State government thereof provides both the license to get married and the marriage certificate which forms the official record of such.

The Equal Protection Clause, part of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, provides that "no state shall … deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws"
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The Equal Protection Clause can be seen as an attempt to secure the promise of the United States' professed commitment to the proposition that "all men are created equal. It makes no exception for gay people or bi people or transgender people rather it says ALL PEOPLE are to be treated equal giving the same protections of the law!
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The California Constitution itself sets out two ways to alter the document that sets the most basic rules about how state government works. Proposition 8 was put on the ballot through the initiative process. But any measure that would change the underlying principles of the constitution must first be approved by the legislature before being submitted to the voters. That didn't happen with Proposition 8, and that's why it's invalid.
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If the voters approved an initiative that took the right to free speech away from women, but not from men, everyone would agree that such a measure conflicts with the basic ideals of equality enshrined in our constitution. Proposition 8 suffers from the same flaw – it removes a protected constitutional right."

I think his points are sound and valid.

Having My Say

2008-10-17T21:11:00.000-04:00

One morning I had the opportunity to watch BET's "Meet the Faith." To set the stage for this discussion, here is the description from BET's website:"This heated and eye-opening conversation among guests Bishop E. Bernard Jordon, founder of Zoe Ministries; actress Sheryl Lee Ralph; and host of BETJ’s “My Two Cents,” Keith Boykin, will examine Black homosexuality -- its myths, realities and why it seems Blacks are more homophobic than other groups. The topic of has been heating up pulpits in Black churches across America for a few years now. And anti-gay sentiments are not only causing distrust in the Black church, they’re dividing the larger Black community. While some Black clergy and other Christian believers consider homosexuality a “mental disorder,” others say it is an abomination against God. Still others say that being gay is not a choice nor does it preclude one from being a child of God."The conversation that follows on the discussion board is sad. The large number of voices comes from the black religious right. It is filled with they usual condemnations, bible verses taken out of context, and venom. I hope that 1. more individuals of same sex desires will post comments, and 2. the discourse remain civil. Whether the gay rights movement should be compared to the civil rights movement is not as critical as whether the black community should be torn apart by homophobia.Even as I write this, there are men and women, teens struggling to survive after being separated from the family units that should be there to support them. One young man that I know of has critical health issues that could happen to any of us without regards to sexuality, but is cut off from the family that should be there for him now because of his homosexuality. The ability to love one another as Christ has loved us in lost in the uproar over how we live the lives that God has given us. The Bible has been and continues to be used to justify much wrong. But in the end, even those abuses will be wiped away as the real truth unadulterated by the tampering of men through the centuries is finally revealed. We need to be careful of how our community is being divided and what motivations are behind other groups who are using the faith of black people to win political elections and destroy unity.Appropriately, the day before the broadcast at a convention of the United Church of Christ, Sen. Barack Obama rightly cautioned that some right wing evangelical leaders have exploited and politicized religious beliefs in an effort to sow division. He says, "somehow, somewhere along the way, faith stopped being used to bring us together and faith started being used to drive us apart." He goes on to add that "faith got hijacked, partly because of the so-called Christian Right, all to eager to exploit what divides us." We need to reclaim our real moral center that truly motivates us that "ye love one another, as I [Christ] have loved you" - John 15:12. The Word of God for the people of God. I could not agree more wholeheartedly. Just having my say. Hotep.

Gay Marriage Group Tries New Tactic

2007-02-19T07:07:00.000-05:00

(AP) Proponents of same-sex marriage have introduced an initiative that would put a whole new twist on traditional unions between men and women: It would require heterosexual couples to have kids within three years or else have their marriages annulled. Initiative 957 was filed by the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance, which was formed last summer after the state Supreme Court upheld Washington's ban on same-sex marriage. In that 5-4 ruling, the court found that state lawmakers were justified in passing the 1998 Defense of Marriage Act, which restricts marriage to unions between a man and woman.

Under I-957, marriage would be limited to men and women who are able to have children. Couples would be required to prove they can have children to get a marriage license, and if they did not have children within three years, their marriages would be subject to annulment. All other marriages would be defined as "unrecognized" and people in them would be ineligible to receive any marriage benefits.

"Absurd? Very," the group says on its Web site, which adds it is planning two more initiatives involving marriage and procreation. "But there is a rational basis for this absurdity. By floating the initiatives, we hope to prompt discussion about the many misguided assumptions" underlying the Supreme Court's ruling. Gregory Gadow, who filed I-957 last month, said the three-year timeframe was arbitrary. "We did toy with the idea of (requiring) procreation before marriage," he said. "We didn't want to piss off the fundamentalists too much." Gadow said that if the group's initiatives were passed, the Supreme Court would be forced to strike them down as unconstitutional, which he believes would weaken the original ruling upholding the Defense of Marriage Act. But he said he highly doubts any of the initiatives will pass, and that they are being done "in the spirit of political street theater." "Our intention is not to actually put this into law," he said. "All we want is to get this on the ballot and cause people to talk about it." The group's Web site gives another reason: "And at the very least, it should be good fun to see the social conservatives who have long screamed that marriage exists for the sole purpose of procreation be forced to choke on their own rhetoric."

Cheryl Haskins, executive director of Allies for Marriage & Children, agreed with Gadow's group on at least one point about the initiative: "It's absurd," she said. Haskins said opponents of same-sex marriage "have never said that the sole purpose of marriage is procreation."

The New Lynch Mob

2006-10-17T17:28:00.000-04:00

In the generation ahead of my own, the lynching of black people in America and black men in particular was a much feared act of terror. Anything from looking at whites the "wrong" way to accusations of rape would leave to a horrible murder of our people. The photographs of mutilated black men hanging from tree limbs exist in many historical collections today. In more than a few instances, the photos shows the genitals severed and then stuffed in the mouths of the victims. Fear of our blackness, hatred of our sexuality created a ghastly living hell for black men in America. All of these photos remind us of how inhuman one group of people with deep seated hatred of another race can perpetrate the most heinous crimes in humanity often without penalties of any kind.

Today, another black man is dead. He is one among a growing number of a new generation of men whose sexuality threatens the norm and triggers gross acts of violence. Just over a week ago, Michael Sandy, a 28 year old black, gay man from Brooklyn, was lured to an area by four men from his AOL instant messenger. But for Michael something went terribly wrong.

From the Daily News: "At some point, he broke free and ran onto the roadway, where he was struck by a car in the center lane, according to police. The driver of the car that struck Sandy did not stop. The assailants dragged his battered body off the highway—leaving him for dead only after one rifled through his pockets."
October 12th was Michael's 29th birthday but instead of celebrating with friends and family, Michael clung to life as his family struggled with the decision of whether to continue his life support. Eventually, they decided to let nature take its course and Michael Sandy died on October 13th. He is another victim of gay bashing, the new lynching offense in an America that must always find a new reason to hate.

There were memorials this week for Michael Sandy. Websites extolled his wonderful personality and the grief that his family must now endure. Michael was honest about himself and to those who knew him. His webpage at Friendster indicated his interest in meeting men. And because he chose to live honestly and forthrightly in a country that purports to value honesty and diversity and freedom, he now joins the ranks of victims to a cruel and mean "new lynch mob" intent on denying the right to live, love, and exist side-by-side in America.
Words of sympathy can hardly salve the wounds inflicted on his family. Nevertheless, I offer them along with a prayer that justice will be done in this instance and all of these gay bashings (new lynchings). For as long as this hatred exists for whatever reasons, America is diminished.

There has not been a great deal of press coverage in the mainstream about Michael's death and the surrounding circumstances. That is not uncommon these days as the black community and the greater society continue to try to ignore the presence of same gender loving black Americans. But it is incumbent upon you and me to give notice that these crimes "will not go quietly into the night." We must speak up, speak out, and speak boldly. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said that "a time comes when silence is betrayal." We cannot betray the Michael Sandys and the Rashawn Brazells of America. America cannot claim moral leadership in the world as long as it continues to shelter those who would lynch, bash, and murder its own people who simply choose to exist in truth and freedom.

Michael Sandy is gone. But he leaves behind some precious memories for those who may have known him. On is AOL messenger, Michael says:

"a real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
Hotep.

I am still here

2006-09-11T17:31:00.000-04:00

I know it has been a minute since I have written on this blog or posted on some others. To all of you who have sent emails or "what ups" I want to say thank you and that I appreciate you so very much. One of the things I have learned about blogging is that beyond the ruminations on sundry topics, there also exists the possibility to develop some very good friendships.

I have discovered some wonderful people on this journey that began for me in March 2005. No doubt some of you will be with me until our appointed time. I have no plans for an early departure, but I just wanted to say thanks for some great memories and conversations. One of the best things to have happened to me is to have started a conversation with someone on a blog (I have 2 going), have that conversation move to telephone, then to a meeting, and to open up the possibility for more.

I read just this weekend on a blog the question "Is it possible to be in a relationship where one person cares more than the other." I can say unequivocably yes, and I would further add that the one who cares more really needs to have a strong and realistic sense of how that relationship is constructed and where it is going to remain in it. This may seem like rambling now, and you may well have guessed that I find myself in just such a place. Nevertheless, it is based on honest conversation between us, and therefore we are both fully aware that this may never reach "the mountaintop."

I am not sure why we sometimes love so deeply those that we cannot have. His reasons are sound and valid. Doesn't make it hurt any less though when you feel your life has been changed in a way that cannot ever be restored. I am riding out a hurricane of emotions, but I know that inevitably the storm will pass and I will survive.

And while I cannot sing all of this song just yet, I believe it will happen for me with someone:

Larry Graham - "One In A Million You"
Love had played its games on me so long
I started to believe I'd never find anyone
Doubt had tried to convince me to give in,
said, "You can't win"
But one day the sun came a shinin· through
The rain had stopped and the skies were blue
And oh, what a revelation to see
Someone was saying "I love you" to me

A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
I was a lonely man with empty arms to fill
Then I found a piece of happiness to call my own
And life is worth livin·again
For to love you to me is to live

A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
A one in a million you
A one in a million chance of a lifetime
And life showed compassion
And sent to me a stroke of love called "You"
One in a million you
A one in a million you

Hotep my friends.

The Epitome of Failure

2006-08-23T23:48:00.000-04:00

Check this out!
1. Go to http://www.google.com/
2. Type in Failure
3. Look at the first listing

Today Is My Birthday and ...

2006-08-17T07:51:00.000-04:00

I will let you figure out my age since I am:

35 years 9 months younger than Walter Cronkite, age 89
31 years 1 month younger than Nancy Reagan, age 85
28 years 2 months younger than George Herbert Bush, age 82
20 years 11 months younger than Barbara Walters, age 74
18 years 9 months younger than Larry King, age 72
12 years 6 months younger than Ted Koppel, age 66
9 years 1 month younger than Geraldo Rivera, age 63
6 years 1 month younger than George W. Bush, age 60
1 year 1 month younger than Jesse Ventura, age 55
3 years 2 months older than Bill Gates, age 50
8 years 0 months older than Cal Ripken Jr., age 45
13 years 10 months older than Mike Tyson, age 40
17 years 11 months older than Jennifer Lopez, age 36
23 years 4 months older than Tiger Woods, age 30
29 years 10 months older than Prince William, age 24

and that I was:

49 years old at the time of the 9-11 attack on America
47 years old on the first day of Y2K
45 years old when Princess Diana was killed in a car crash
42 years old at the time of Oklahoma City bombing
41 years old when O. J. Simpson was charged with murder
40 years old at the time of the 93 bombing of the World Trade Center
38 years old when Operation Desert Storm began
37 years old during the fall of the Berlin Wall
33 years old when the space shuttle Challenger exploded
31 years old when Apple introduced the Macintosh
30 years old during Sally Ride's travel in space
28 years old when Pres. Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
27 years old at the time the Iran hostage crisis began
23 years old on the U.S.'s bicentennial Fourth of July
21 years old when President Nixon left office
19 years old when Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot
16 years old at the time the first man stepped on the moon
15 years old when Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated
12 years old during the Watts riot11 years old at the time President Kennedy was assassinated
7 years old when Hawaii was admitted as 50th of the United States
5 years old when the Soviet satellite Sputnik 1 was launched
not yet 1 year old at the end of the Korean War

Now how old am I?

Find out about your birthday!

For Gays on the Streets, Survival Comes Before Pride

2006-07-12T09:49:00.000-04:00

This article appeared a year ago (June 2004) in the NY Times. Sometimes, these issues get a minute of publicity and then fade from the public consciousness. I had an opportunity to observe firsthand the plight of some of these youth on the pier at the end of Christopher St. this spring. I also wrote about what I saw then.

In an effort to keep your attention on this serious issue facing our black, same gender loving youth, I remind you now of this article and encourage you to contribute your time, energy and money to help alleviate some their suffering and help give them a start toward being self sufficient black men. This is the story of OUR CHILDREN.

By ANDREW JACOBS

David Antoine's coming out last year did not exactly fill his family with pride. A few months shy of his high school graduation, Mr. Antoine said, his mother told him to pack his bags, and he was suddenly out on the icy streets of Brooklyn, his life stuffed into a trash bag, his bed the hard back of a subway car rumbling from one end of the city to the other.

Brian Murray is still trying to find his place in what is known as the gay community. A good night is the soft bed of a stranger and $100 in the morning. A bad night is an empty stomach, a park bench and the rousing jolt of a nightstick on his bare feet as he is ordered to move on.

Like Mr. Antoine and Mr. Murray, his friends, Michael Leatherbury, 25, would consider cheering his gay brothers and sisters marching down Fifth Avenue this afternoon if he had a few coins in his pocket and a place to call his own. No sense flirting with strangers, he says, when home is a lumpy cot in a city shelter. "Being homeless is not exactly conducive to dating," he says with a shrug. "These days, I'm not feeling very prideful."

Click here to read more....

From Fratman:

Step out of your comfort zone and do something to help someone who so desperately need your help. Find an organization that will feed, clothe and/or give a bed to these youth in your city or another. I suggest you start with GMAD. For more information about homelessness among homeless LGBT youth and a lists of shelters in your state, see the Safe Schools Coalition website. If you know of others, feel free to post them here in the comments section for others to see. Be sure to include contact information.

Hotep.

(Since I posted this, I have received one comment from the Captain. I hope you will also respond because as Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has said:

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.")

One Nation Under Whose God?

2006-07-11T09:58:00.000-04:00

I received this email with the usual request to pass it on. I do so not with the intention of the sender, but that you might see the homophobia that is so blatantly and disturbingly a part of the mindset of the principal and leader of a public school. Note the first group that he chooses to denigrate in the name of God:

"A statement that was read at a Tennessee football game This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee, by school Principal, Jody McLeod. "It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country." Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate lifestyle," and if someone is offended, that's OK. I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK. I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem... I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology." I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depict people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment." However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated. This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments. Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical... I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression. For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and ref rain from praying at this time. "However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet." One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray. They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box! The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America - the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD." Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee, remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains! "

A final word from the Fratman:

Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee forgot that we are all one people created in the image of God and commanded to love one another as He has loved us.

Shem hotep.

(Note: This entry was republished due to technical difficulties and the 2 original comments were lost. If I can retrieve them from emails, I will re-post them)

Two previous comments:

Wow, that really pissed me off. And the bit about environmentalism...? Wow. This lady's head is so far up her ass, I'm amazed anyone could understand what she was saying on the PA system. --Posted by Jeff Crowder to Seasoned_Yet_New_In_Da_Life at 7/10/2006 04:18:52 PM

Note to self: Never drive through or stop in Kingston, TN. --Posted by Bernie to Seasoned_Yet_New_In_Da_Life at 7/10/2006 05:34:10 AM

The Human Rights Campaign Airs "Dirty Laundry"

2006-07-06T10:43:00.001-04:00

Ok, now that I got your attention :

In January of this year while visiting DC, I had the unexpected pleasure of attending the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) luncheon for youth from Historically Black Colleges and Universities. Aside from being in the presence of very vibrant youth who seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves in this positive and affirming environment, and being in the room with one of my fav authors, Alphonso Morgan (the man is just plain handsome, props), and listening to an inspiring message delivered by Dr. Michael Lomax (United Negro College Fund), the occasion gave me an opportunity to learn more about the work of this pioneering organization.

There are 2 things that I want to call to your attention:

1. The HRC has a great publication on the website entitled "Resource Guide to Coming Out for African-Americans." It covers the spectrum from 'religious organizations' (hmmm, gay black buddhists?) to 'Black Prides' (yeah, I am going back to the ATL in Sept., holla) to 'Hotlines' (not the kind of party you thinking). There aren't very many things left in life that are free, but this guide is yours for the downloading from the Human Rights Campaign Website. Get it while it's hot.

2. The HRC is sponsoring previews of Maurice Jamal's new film "Dirty Laundry" in several cities. Check out the listings and the movie trailer on the HRC website. Although the schedule ends with September 2006, a reliable source (hey, the NY Times isn't the only one with them) tells me that Greensboro, NC may be an additional location in October. Stay tuned.

So, let me end by giving a mad shout out to Brandon Braud and the crew of tireless workers at HRC for the good work that you are doing for African-Americans in 'the life.'
Shem hotep.

So Now It's Momma's Fault You're Gay

2006-06-27T21:27:00.000-04:00

From the Los Angeles Times:
Study Links Male Gays, Birth of Older Brothers
A mother's antibodies may change with each boy, raising chances the next will be homosexual.

By Karen Kaplan

Times Staff WriterJune 27, 2006

Having one or more older brothers boosts the likelihood of a boy growing up to be gay — an effect due not to social factors, but biological events that occur in their mother's womb, according to a study published today.

In an analysis of 905 men and their siblings, Canadian psychologist Anthony Bogaert found no evidence that social interactions among family members played a role in determining whether a man was gay or straight.

The only significant factor was the number of times a mother had previously given birth to boys, according to the report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The so-called fraternal birth order effect is small: Each older brother increases the chances by 33%. Assuming the base rate of homosexuality among men is 2%, it would take 11 older brothers to give the next son about a 50-50 chance of being gay.

But at a time when, according to one survey, 42% of Americans consider homosexuality to be a lifestyle choice, the study provides more evidence of biology's role in determining sexuality."People are coming to realize that biology — in a broad sense of the word — does play an important role," said neurobiologist Simon LeVay, who has documented anatomical differences in the brains of gay and straight men. He is not connected with the study.

A 2003 survey found that 30% of Americans believed sexual orientation was innate and 14% said it was determined by upbringing, besides the 42% who considered it a lifestyle choice. That survey was conducted by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press and the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life.

Polls show that people who believe sexual orientation is governed by biology tend to support gay rights, whereas those who consider it a choice don't, said Dr. Jack Drescher, who chaired the American Psychiatric Assn.'s Committee on Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Issues for six years. "The question of whether it's biological is playing a large role in the culture wars," said Drescher, who was not involved in the study. "Decisions about civil rights and marriage are all argued around this issue."In a previous study, Bogaert and his colleagues estimated that about one in seven gay men in North America — roughly 1 million people — could attribute their sexual orientation to fraternal birth order. Bogaert, a professor of community health sciences and psychology at Brock University in Ontario, said he didn't know what biological mechanism was behind the fraternal effect, which he and a colleague first identified 10 years ago. The leading theory is that women's bodies react to male fetuses' proteins as foreign, making antibodies to fight them, Bogaert said. Such antibodies could affect the developing fetus, and the more times a woman has carried boys, the stronger the antibody response would be. This theory, dubbed the maternal immunization hypothesis, was originally proposed in 1985 to explain why boys are more likely than girls to develop conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism and dyslexia.

"We thought it might be an interesting explanation for this," Bogaert said.

Scientists have not found any antibodies that may be responsible, but Michigan State University neuroscientist Marc Breedlove is trying to identify them in pregnant mice.

"We would love to identify the protein that she is targeting, or find out which brain regions are being affected," said Breedlove, who coauthored a commentary that accompanies the study. "Right now, it's the only plausible mechanism we can think of.

"Scientists have found other genetic links to sexual orientation. For example, if one identical twin is gay, there is a 52% chance that the other twin — who has the same DNA — is gay, according to a 1991 report in the Archives of General Psychiatry. Among fraternal twins, who share about half their DNA, the figure drops to 22%, and for other brothers it is 9%, according to the study.

Bogaert first reported a link between sexual orientation and older brothers in a 1996 study conducted with Ray Blanchard, who runs the Clinical Sexology Program at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. That finding has been replicated since then in other data on men in the U.S., Canada and Europe, as well as in data collected by the pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s and 1950s.

In the new study, Bogaert's aim was to figure out whether older brothers influence the sexuality of younger ones through nature or nurture.

If the influence were due to social factors as the boys were growing up, he reasoned, then older brothers would have an impact as long as they were reared together. On the other hand, if the explanation hinged on prenatal biological factors, the physical presence of older brothers during childhood would be irrelevant. Bogaert collected biodemographic data on gay and straight men raised in families with various combinations of older and younger brothers and sisters. Some were full siblings, some shared only a mother or a father, some were step siblings, and some siblings were adopted.

"It doesn't seem to be that having an older brother around, regardless of whether that brother is a biological brother or a nonbiological brother, seems to have an effect on a man's sexual orientation," he said. "Biological older brothers, even ones they are not reared with, seem to be increasing the likelihood of male homosexuality.

"Previous studies have looked at the impact of older sisters on the chances of a girl growing up to be a lesbian, but they found no correlation. That result bolsters the maternal immunization theory, because female fetuses do not produce proteins that would be unfamiliar to pregnant women and thus prompt the production of antibodies.

From Fratman:

So what do you think of that?

What If ...(Part I)

2006-06-19T07:24:00.000-04:00

KENTUCKY BAPTIST SCHOOL EXPELS STUDENT FOR GAY LIFESTYLE:

2006-06-01T16:03:00.000-04:00

Homosexuality controversy lands another student outside the halls of learning. Jason Johnson, a sophomore at University of the Cumberlands got kicked out of school for being caught out of the closet.The 20-year-old theater major was expelled on April 6 because of his sexual orientation, as well as comments about his boyfriend that were shared on his MySpace.com blog.

The school’s spokesperson Larry Cockrum released a statement from Cumberlands President Jim Taylor saying the school had “followed our policies and procedures in keeping with our traditional denominational beliefs.” Homosexuality is not in alignment with the Christian based value system the Baptist college in Williamsburg, KY upholds.

However, Senior Jennifer Roberts told the Lexington Herald-Leader newspaper, “I would consider Jason a Christian because so many of his values are Christian…. He embodies everything a friend should be. A lot of people are suffering because he is not here.” Cockrum maintained in the statement that, “We are different by design and are non-apologetic about our Christian beliefs.”

Because Johnson has retained an attorney, the school released an official statement on April 10 saying it would no longer comment on the decision. More openly gay collegians are experiencing scarlet-letter-styled scrutiny as evidence of what some consider their “sin” becomes transparent. According to Soulforce, a gay rights group, over 200 colleges and universities actively ban homosexual students.

Some schools with strict discipline toward gay students are John Brown University, in Siloam Springs, ARK, Baylor University in Dallas, TX, Mercer University in Atlanta, GA and North Central University in Minneapolis, MN.The Associated Press reports that the Kentucky Fairness Alliance, a pro-homosexual group, is appealing to Governor Ernie Fletcher to veto $11 million that state lawmakers have approved for scholarships and a pharmacy school at U of C. ‘Draw the line’ or ‘Bridge the Gap’As the temperature rises on gay rights issues, is America turning into a gay vs. straight society?

The Kentucky incident is just a snapshot of what is taking place in our society: gays are fighting for equal rights. In recent news the same sex marriage and domestic partnership arguments have hogged headlines with victories for both advocates and anti-gays.The erupting controversy lies in multi-faceted opinions from various religious, public and private institutions. Since the murder of 21-year-old Matthew Shepard, the University of Wyoming student who was killed in 1998 for being gay, there have been countless debates about treatment of homosexuals based in moral ideology and legal rights, some in the form of tolerance and some pertaining to acceptance.

Taking the “separate but equal” approach gay supporters have “drawn the line” by establishing all-gay schools and churches, for example. Yet, churches like the United Methodists church are attempting to “bridge the gap” in ad campaigns that embrace diversity. There is no simple solution for managing an imperfect society, yet tolerance seems to fall somewhere between “the line” and “the gap.” -- http://www.atlgospel.com/news/index.html

Further news on this story at: http://www.abpnews.com/944.article

http://www.heartstrong.org/HeartStrong/JasonJohnson.html

Our Nearly Invisible Queer Children

2006-05-14T22:05:00.002-04:00

I had planned to write this entry about my travel to New York City this past week. I went to see the Color Purple on Broadway. It was indeed a powerful performance, and I will indeed blog about it later this week. But first, I have to talk about another powerful experience that occurred for me while in NYC. That was seeing same gender loving or queer kids (the labels don't much matter to them; they have more important things on their minds -- like surviving the night) congregated on the Pier at the end of Christopher St. in Manhattan.

Now I know that for New Yorkers, this is nothing new. I understand from my companion (I love you man for being there with me and opening my eyes) that these kids have been on that pier and in that vicinity for quite some time. Many are homeless and victimized by predators with money willing to lure them into prostitution. And so many succumb in desperation to eat and survive in the most powerful city in the country and arguably, the world.

Here are young adolescents with the promise of life already taken from them. They have been cast out by families that are homophobic or made to live in such unbearable conditions that it is preferable to face the unknowns of the street than to stay in physically and mentally abusive homes. And I watched them banding together for brotherhood, comradeship, support and security. They do not know where their next meal is coming from because they are not counted as protected clients of the vast social service agencies.

Their social interactions may be formed by the House Balls or Voguing or trading sexual favors for the essentials of survival. They are caught up in the porn industry where they risk their health for $200 to be able to eat and sleep for a few days/nights. The weather is getting warmer now. I suspect more will try to sleep on the streets as opposed to the few overcrowded shelters than try to give them a cramped space in the coldest weather.

The point is that these are our kids. They are not conservative republicans or liberal democrats. They are not "buppies" with Ivy league degrees scuffling for a place at the bottom of the corporate ladder on Wall Street. There are no trust funds to insure that they will survive to have a future beyond their childhoods; not even a vaccine to protect them from the scourges of sexual transmitted diseases that will rob them of their strength and ultimately of their lives. But there are those who instead of helping them would seek to marginalize them and sweep them further out of sight. Our actions may make the difference between a healthy life or a miserable survival at great costs.

I have written before about how my generation failed the succeeding generations by not providing the mentoring, nurturing and role modeling that was needed to help young black men of same sex desires transition to mentally healthy life. Now I hope that the next generation will not let the following generations have to carve out a place for themselves that is not healthy.

Small donations to worthwhile programs are a start. But even more, take on 1 or 2 guys and mentor them. Talk to them. Let them know that you care and love them. Make a financial donation to them, too. Buy some food, pay for a night's stay to get them off the street. Be an advocate for them; help them to fight the battles that they do not know how to fight for themselves.

And don't for one minute think this is a New York problem. You have only to look into the lives of "gutter punks" in New Orleans or the homeless kids in the Belmont neighborhood of Chicago or the homeless teens in your backyard.

1 John 4:7-11

[7] Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
[8] Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.
[9] God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him.
[10] In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.
[11] Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another.

Shem hotep.

The Ranks of the Free; Walking the Walk

2006-04-28T18:09:00.000-04:00

You know it is much better to be able to speak from experience sometimes, to walk the walk as it were. Like other bloggers in this space, I have advocated safe sex and getting tested for HIV. You owe it to yourself and your partners to know your status if you have been or are active.

Back in December on World AIDS Day, I toyed with the idea of getting myself tested although I had not engaged in any high risk activities in years. Recently, I decided to become active again, so after a few encounters that led to quick lessons on STD's, I decided to take the full range of tests. There is no feeling in the world like hearing that you tested negative for HIV. I went on and had the test for syphillis as well since they were taking blood. Everything is looking good.I can assure you that I will sleep peacefully tonight. And so, I say to you who have not been tested, "JOIN THE RANKS WHO SLEEP PEACEFULLY. GET TESTED."

Meanwhile, here is a HIV knowledge test for you from the National HIV Testing Resources of the Centers for Disease Control.
Shem hotep.

Gas War

2006-04-12T07:23:00.000-04:00

From: cleomanago@aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 2:33 PM
Subject: Someone's Gas War RecommendationSubject: GAS WAR
GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work
This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It ' s worth your consideration.
Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.
This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.
Here's the idea:
For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they a re not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.
I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?
Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.
THIS CAN REALLY WORK

March 7, 2005/2006

2006-04-02T23:08:00.000-04:00

I have been away from my usual routine blogging for a while. Some of you noticed, others assumed it is just the way blogging goes. I remember another blogger telling me that older guys like me who are just discovering ourselves are like adolescents. That is so true. I was on a roll, having fun with no real attachments beyond some very close friends. Enjoying a few physical pleasures with no real commitment. Letting guys know that LTR was not in my plans. Well, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray.

March 7th was the one year anniversary of the death of someone who was very close to me. My life changed dramatically in 2005, because for the first time in 53 years, I truly felt alone and adrift. Then I happened onto gay novels, began meeting some novelists (go pre-order COVENANT by Rashid Darden, if you haven't already). From there it was meeting people, going to my first gay clubs, bars, dialoguing with some really good guys, and keeping my spirit/heart protected against getting to involved with anyone.

That is until March 7, 2006. Then I met J. He worked in an establishment that I frequented near my home, and I had seen him off and on for several months there. On this day, I placed myself in a position where I could at least talk to him. No plans other than a quick conversation. That conversation led to a meeting at my place that very night. He let me know that he was leaving the country at the end of March to return to his ex- with whom he felt a spiritual bond. That was cool with me.

But then the unexpected happened. I started caring more than he or I could afford. The die was cast and there was no changing of hisplans. I should have stepped away, but for some reason, I couldn't. We spent as much time together and he could afford and I could get from him. I think now that 'long term' or 'short term' is irrelevant, and that what is more important is the word 'relationship.' We had that indeed. I began to dread the approach of his departure date. I had never been in a male/male relationship beyond a few hours, and this was so totally new to me.
Well, what is worse is that we agreed to have a farewell time together on last Monday night. I rushed home to get ready for what I knew was our final date. He didn't answer his phone when I called at the agreed upon time. I fell asleep, woke up, went to his apt., but got no answer. The place was dark and looked as though he had moved out early. No good bye. Just gone.

So here I am. Older and wiser with an incredible experience. I knew from day one that it was limited to 3 weeks. I just didn't expect it to end the way that it did, but no one ever does. I have read and heard about the experiences of others who went through the same thing. I know I am not the first nor will I be the last. But, the end of innocence and adolescence has come.

Shem hotep.

BET NEWS Presents The Down Low Exposed 03/28/06

2006-03-26T21:41:00.000-05:00

From "Corey J." la_finest_homegrown@yahoo.com

Will you be tuning into the show? What are your comments on the "Down Low" lifestyle with men in general?

For perspective, I am also posting the reflections of Kenneth Winfrey on the topic of the "Down Low" lifestyle:

It is so sad that more and more black media outlets are perpetuating this hyperbole. Despite the CDC's overt detachment from the DL as a prevention paradigm, black women are still being told that they should be more concerned about a man's sexual orientation, rather than his sexual health. After all, safe sex is safe sex regardless of gender.

The contrast between the hyper-masculinity prevalent in our male culture, and the femininity associated with homosexuality, makes this a media favorite. As we affirm the image of black men as King Kong-like reckless dangerous hyper-sexed aggressors, the "gay" element allows us (as black folk) to continue our lethal disassociation with HIV into the domain of the "sexually perverse" and even the wrath of God...

What bothers me most, as a gay man, is the perpetuation of the myth that homosexuality is "responsible" for HIV. No new term has been coined to describe men who cheat with female prostitutes, men who use IV drugs, or even women who cheat on their male partners. Yet, we get the infamous "Down Low." The black man is, again, the poster child for what is wrong with the world. The black woman is, again, the poster child for victimization. The gay man is also, again, portrayed as a deviant element of the community that should be avoided at all costs.

...and we forget that a good reason these men are so "down low" and not "up high" or " 'out' and about" is that the black church has been obsessively emphatic in its stance that homosexuality is a greater sin, or even a disease itself. The drug slingin', crotch-grabbin', pimp-walkin', misogynistic Mandingo, with countless unprovided-for children by various women in his wake, is still more acceptable to us than a homosexual with just one significant other/life partner/lover. As we struggle for the cause of diversity as black people, we are actually very oppressive among ourselves when it comes to operating outside the stereotypes that were actually byproducts of the slavery that brought us here.

It's ironic that we talk about how same-sex marriage is a threat to the family, but I can't help but wonder what a threat the question of sexual orientation poses. Imagine a black wife waiting anxiously to put the kids to bed, or that rushes home from work, to do the unthinkable. That is, to question her black man's heterosexuality. [gasp!] Given that the matter is one that many black men work hard to evade all their lives, it's bound to create conflict. In a culture where men don't cross their legs, talk with their hands, or float too far above that bass-line in voice, to have the woman with whom you make love ask if you are gay must seem nearly surreal, as it should be...

Black America, let's get a grip

Kenneth Winfrey

I am still around

2006-03-20T11:23:00.000-05:00

I'm still here, but focusing on EuropeBound right now. We have such a short time left together that we are making the most of it. I will be able to write more about us after March 30th. Until then, shem hotep.

The Bare-backing dilemma: Ty Lattimore Speaks?

2006-03-16T23:11:00.000-05:00

I am reposting this from Pure Black Beauty Yahoo Group. What are your thoughts? Post them here:

From Bernard Bradshaw:

"Surprise. A little controversy is stirring on this blog. From Sexandthe2ndcity:

Recently, I have been writing about the stupidity of having bareback sex with people you don't know. I discussed the lack of responsibility that black pornographers (like Ty Lattimore) display when they produce bareback sex videos in 2006, when the rate of HIV is disproportionately affecting African-Americans.

I received the following letter from black pornstar Ty Lattimore:

To Whom it May Concern:

I recently was forwarded an email about me and my production company and the fact that I recently produced a bareback video. I do not know who Bernard Shaw [sic] is, nor do I really care. While controversy is not anything new to me nor typically spend time worrying about, I felt I would respond. I am very aware of the Hiv Rate of Black men. I was also aware that soume folks might be critical. My position is that consenting adults have the right to make any choice they choose. I find it hypocritical how many people chose to act like barebacking does not exist.

At no point do I recommend any sexual choices for anyone. I provide entertainment. My models and I made very conscious choices. Its also funny how many folks watch straight videos particulary because no condom is used. There are many other companies that only produce bareback films. My company produces some bareback and some with condoms.

But as with anything I produce whether its sex parties, video or etc....if its not for you then thats cool. Hit Delete. Just as some folks oppose bareback, there are folks who think all porn should be outlawed, or that sex parties are wrong. I always will believe that folks have a right to make their own choice. Just as you have the choice to not buy these things. Nobody is ever going to push their beliefs on me. A lot of men bareback, some occasionally, and other just want to see someone else do it. Either way, I produce what I want and what I think my audience wants to see.

Judging by the response, folks seem to like the movie. But better yet, you keep right on talking about it. Just make sure to include the website while you debating it!

Ty Lattimore

Response from Bernard Bradshaw at Sexandthe2ndcity:

For real Ty? I won't be including the website, buy an ad. Sadly, based on his response, it seems like money was his primary motivator when making a bareback video.

I'll make this simple. Ty missed the entire point. No one is arguing that consenting adults do not have the right to engage in bareback sex. That is your right to be stupid and fuck strangers without condoms. And I defend an individual's right to do that. But my critique was whether its responsible for a well known, sucessful, and respected black pornographer to create videos that make dangerous sexual activity between black men look sexy and appealing?

Personally, I don't think so. I think that we have responsibilities. It's not enough to say simply that you don't recommend any sexual choices for anyone and that you merely provide entertainment. That's irresponsible. Do you have a right to do it? Sure. Is it fucked up? Yes!

Also, Ty misses the point when he says that people are hypocritical when they choose to act like barebacking doesn't exist. In my post on barebacking, I not only acknowledge that barebacking is a sexy, and hot form of sex--but in fact its the best. But it is also the riskiest and most dangerous sex. So no one is pretending like barebacking doesn't exist, but does that mean we need to go out and celebrate it without discussing the real life, real world dangers that accompany it?

In some of the comments on my site, Ty goes on to say that other porn production houses produce black bareback videos--like Flavaworks which produces Cocodorm. I 100% agree, they do. And they are equally irresponsible.

However, one of the reasons why I pointed out Ty is because a reader of mine was surprised that Ty, a black man heading a porn house, would be irresponsible enough to create bareback porn. Flavaworks is not a black owned and operated business. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't be called out for being irresponsible, but if we can't expect our own black producers to be responsible to our communities of color--how are going to expect white producers of black gay porn to act responsibly?

Anyway, I'm exhausted. Keep making money sensationalizing the unsafe. "

Ok blog reader. You have read the exchange. So, how do you feel about bare-backing pornography? Hit me back with comments.

Shem hotep.

What's Up With the Fratman

2006-03-10T09:57:00.000-05:00

A fellow blogger told me not long ago that when older guys start coming out, we are like adolescents. Well, guess what. He could not have been more right. I didn't have this much excitement and fun as an adolescent. And let me say thanks to all of you who have helped to make this possible - Rashid, Tandy, Callis, Maxim, Kenneth, Jai, No4real4real and others.

Now on to the business at hand. I have met "two persons of interest." One is a considerable distance away, and our hot & heavy budding relationship is confined (right now) to telephone, text, IM and emails. We intend to change all that real soon. The other is local, OMG HOT and a great lover (did I say that?). But he is moving to Europe at the end of this month and so....

Those are the two extraordinary men in my life right now. There are a few others who I can move up the chain (LOL) as vacancies arise. But please somebody tell me why guys get into telephone sex?? I get IM messages and a few calls asking for sex by phone from those that I have given my number to. One guy called me at 4 am on a work night! And we won't even go into the ones who put their webcams up for any and everybody to view (though I admit Gentle Alchemy has much to be proud of - oh my!).

So, I am learning a lot fast, ripping through my adolescence, already been played - still pissed about that one, and have had to permanently block someone from my IM who was falling in love. Geez, we ain't even met and he don't know me like that. And for those who put up a picture or send pics that are way out of date or when you weighed 80 lbs. less, please stop it. You will be found out. Dammit, if we meet, you gonna be found out. Btw, 4 those who know, I decided to decline the preacherman. Just didn't feel right, and I'm going with my intuition for right now.

Aiight, aiight. Didn't intend to get to bitchin. It's Friday and I got a date tonight. So don't call me, I'll call you (if I'm feelin you). Shem hotep.

Desiderata

2006-03-05T08:45:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I have not been posting as frequently as of late. Two reasons:

1. I haven't traveled or experienced anything noteworthy of late (and I don't want to waste your time), and

2. There is a "person of interest" in my life and I am spending the time to see where this relationship might go.

So as I sit at my computer on this sunny Sunday in the South, this poem comes to mind and I hope that it speaks to you in some way no matter what you may be going through:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Duke LGBT Alumni Network Membership Site

2006-02-27T07:11:00.000-05:00

The Duke LGBT Alumni Network (DukeLAN) is an organization for Duke University alumni/ae, faculty, staff, and students from all Duke undergraduate, graduate, and professional schools. DukeLAN was formed in 2005 with the aim of connecting together alumni in various parts of the country and helping students find Duke LGBT connections while in school and after graduation. Individuals associated with UNC-Chapel Hill and similar/neighboring institutions are also welcome to join our email lists (guest membership). Those eligible for membership are invited to follow the membership link for information about registering online.

If you are a current DukeLAN member you may login if you know your password, or request your password if not.

If you are eligible for DukeLAN membership, but you are not yet a member, we invite you to apply for membership.

We welcome feedback from all visitors to our site.

This is the Membership Web Site of the Duke LGBT Alumni Network.

Tim Hardaway Before the NBA Weekend Party

2006-02-21T17:41:00.000-05:00

Aiight. This is going to be short. Just click on the title for this post and go see for yo'self. And don't forget to come back a leave a comment.
Shem hotep.

New Company Policy

2006-02-16T07:19:00.000-05:00

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

Company Policy is as follows:

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Manolo Blahnik shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Author Unknown

(Just thought I would have a little fun today - Shem hotep)

Murder suspect sentenced to life in prison

2006-02-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

Murder suspect sentenced to life in prison

By John Stevenson, The Herald-Sun
February 9, 2006 8:12 pm

DURHAM -- Shelton Deangelo Epps was sentenced Thursday to life in prison without parole for what the judge called a "sickeningly opportunistic and atrocious" crime: The February 2004 shooting, beating and drowning death of a Franklinton man whose car was stolen.

Epps received an additional six- to eight-year prison term for kidnapping the victim, 23-year-old Sean Ethan Owen.

Jurors deliberated about 2 1/2 hours in Durham County Superior Court on Wednesday before finding Epps guilty of the homicide and kidnapping, and also of stealing Owen's car at gunpoint.

"Mr. Epps, the jury has spoken," Judge Michael Morgan told the convicted man Thursday.

The judge said it was tragic to send Epps, who was 21 at the time of the crimes, to prison for the rest of his days.

"But Mr. Epps, you're still alive," he added. "Mr. Owen is dead."

Evidence in Epps' nine-day trial indicated that he and two others lured Owen from Franklinton to Durham through a gay chat line, promising him homosexual sex but intending all along to take his car.

Owen was shot twice in the head, beaten and thrown into the Eno River at Old Farm City Park to drown.

"But for the aggressive assaults of [Epps], Sean Owen would perhaps still be alive," prosecutor Tracey Cline argued Thursday. "I believe he was the most aggressive as relates to the assaults on the victim."

A codefendant in the case, former Northern High School junior varsity football player Matthew Lawrence Taylor, was convicted of first-degree murder and related crimes last year and -- like Epps -- was sentenced to life in prison without parole plus six to eight years.

The third suspect, Derrick Arness Maiden Jr., was given a plea bargain for the reduced charge of second-degree murder in exchange for testimony against Epps and Taylor. He told jurors that Epps was the triggerman, although Epps said in his confession it was Taylor.

Maiden was sentenced Thursday to nine to almost 12 years in prison.

Prosecutor Cline said that Maiden, unlike many criminal defendants, came from a good, middle-class, hard-working family that sent him to school every day and "tried to raise him right."

However, he became involved with a bad crowd and didn't anticipate that things might get out of hand, according to Cline.

"Teenagers need to be careful when they think they're only getting involved in minor crime," she said. "In this case, Derrick Maiden thought he was just going to participate in a robbery. It turned out to be a murder. It messed up his whole life."

URL for this article: http://www.herald-sun.com/durham/4-699831.html

© Copyright 2006. All rights reserved. All material on heraldsun.com is copyrighted by The Durham Herald Company and may not be reproduced or redistributed in any medium except as provided in the site's Terms of Use.

Blogging Type

2006-02-13T13:47:00.000-05:00

Your Blogging Type Is Clever and Witty

Of all blogging types, you're the best with words.

Almost every blog post you write has legendary quality.

You have a perverse sense of humor and often play devil's advocate.

Impatient and picky, you tend to go off on funny rants from time to time.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Excerpt from COVENANT by Rashid Darden

2006-02-12T11:12:00.000-05:00

I woke up in bed next to a glassy-eyed stranger, not knowing who he was, but feeling oddly at ease with him.

“What the fuck?” I said softly. My eyes adjusted to the harsh rays of sunlight piercing my blinds until I was able to focus on the furry stranger in my bed. His eyes, genuinely made of glass, stared back at me, smiling – elated that he had been placed in my care.

“A damn teddy bear,” I grumbled, grinning on the inside. He wore a “Somebody at Potomac University Loves Me” shirt over his light brown fur. He wasn’t a large bear by any means, but large enough to be noticeable to the visitors of my room.

He did it again.

The last thing I remembered from the night before was talking to him, he who had stopped by unexpectedly just to say hello. I was already in bed when he came by. Heavy rapping at the door made me believe that one of my roommates had forgotten their key.

I swung the door open, surprised to see him standing there.

“Adrian,” he said, sizing me up in a deliberate floor-to-ceiling gesture with his head.

“Hey,” I said, feeling naked in my white sleeveless t-shirt, which clung tightly to my slender torso while my blue basketball shorts slung low on my hips, revealing the white FTL band of my boxer briefs.

“Can I come in?” he asked, peering around the door and trying to take a glance at my living room.

“Um,” I said, uncertain whether he was intent on breaking the pact before the school year had even begun.

“Dude, just for a minute,” he said. “You know I’m not going to go back on my promise. I just…I just had to see you before we…we…”

“Okay,” I interrupted. “You can stay for a while.”

I tried to hide my smile from him, so I quickly walked toward the kitchenette. “You want something to drink?”

“Naw,” he said, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the old brown couch and let his old, tattered gym bag fall to the floor at his feet while I got myself a glass of water. I sat in the gray cushioned chair across from him and slowly sipped my drink.

“You seem uncomfortable,” he said.

“Naw…just nervous, I guess.”

“Nervous?” he said, leaning forward on the couch, as close to me as he could without sliding off.

Read more...
Support this talented author and brother. Pre-order the book today!

The Week In Review

2006-02-11T08:46:00.000-05:00

This was a week of highs and lows. The lows were tough but as my friend No4real4real says "I stomp with the big dawgs!" (Hell, if I could drop a few years, I would compete with him in the FLY category, too, but oh well -lol). There is some shyt going on at work where staff is doing a good job of undermining the boss. The bad thing is that the CEO is buying into it and the agency could lose the best person they have ever had. But you know how it is when folks want to do what they want to do and not what is good for the organization. They get together and create some chaos and confusion. Well I intend to do what I can to keep the boss in place. If I get fired, so what. I work because I want to now, and not because I have to.

Another low was getting played by someone I met first on my 360 blog and then in person. We seem to hit it off on our first brief meeting, agreed to get together again on Tuesday night (he chose the day and since he is an hour away from me, I booked a non-cancellable night at a hotel). You can guess the rest. I get there, check in, send a couple of text messages and hit his voicemail. No response. Now my friend Spiderman (love ya) told me to just forget it. But for me, I have to have closure, not revenge or spouting anger, just having my say. I did that, I ain't mad, just moving on.

Now the high came with someone else that I met on 360 (damn y'all. Check out all my hits and "friends"). A brotha could get a 'swelled head' over there. Anyway, I have a conversation going on with SupaTall. He's cool, closer in age (though there is still a few years), and knows how to use some technology. Oh by the way. Did I mention that he is cute as hell. The Fratman may have to do some traveling behind this one, but lesson learned. Meet in a neutral spot where both have in investment. Have a "jood" weekend (read some James Earl Hardy) and shem hotep.

PS: If you're wondering how the photo relates, it doesn't but good eye candi, huh.

Mrs. Coretta Scott King's Funeral Program

2006-02-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

C E L E B R A T I N G

H E R

S P I R I T

"I am convinced that if I had not had a wife with the fortitude, strength and calmness of Coretta, I could not have stood up amid the ordeals and tensions surrounding the Montgomery movement. I came to see the real meaning of that rather trite statement: 'A wife can either make or break a husband.' Coretta proved to be that type of wife with qualities to make a husband when he could have been so easily broken. In the darkest moments she always brought the light of hope." – Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Funeral Program

The Weekend in VA Beach

2006-02-06T10:25:00.000-05:00

Damn VA Beach. I used to think you all had it going on, but this weekend was definitely a bust for me (well, almost - ). Since I didn't have anything going on this weekend, I decided to head for Virginia Beach. I will confess that my main reason for going was to eat at Capt. George's Seafood Buffet Restaurant. Since I was going to be in an area where I knew one of my fellow bloggers had recently moved to, I hit him up for a little planned meeting. I was really looking forward to that since he is one of the few who is close to my age (and we had never met). We agree that I will call when I get into my hotel room. He asked me to txt him. I did and got a msg back that he had to go to "bc" unexpectedly. Shyt.
So I get on the net to find out where sgl folks hang out in this town. Surely with Norfolk, Hampton, Newport News and VA Beach all tucked in the corner of Tidewater Virginia, there ought to be something happening on the weekend. Well, wherever it was happening, I didn't find it. The net talked up this place called "Klub Ambush " on S. Lynnhaven Rd. If you click the link, you will find the info just ain't there. No pictures or nothing. Shoulda been a clue. I found it in a parking lot of an old strip mall by a laundramat. Sat in the parking lot for a minute to scope out the clientele. Practically all Caucasion (no offense, just not who I want to party with), a great number of lesbians (can do anything for me), and a really small azzed place (I think my condo holds more folks, especially for intimacy).
Thank God I brought my reading material along with some DVD's (don't ask titles, I ain't telling, but thanks Maxim ). Also, more hotels are starting to provide free wireless internet, but the bandwith in this hotel was ridiculous. Kept losing the connection and the signal would decline and then increase. That is frustrating as hell! Either offer good service or none at all. Ok, back to the weekend. So now I am back to trying to salvage the weekend. I get this IM from someone who invites me to stop by on my way home. I did, we meet, his shyt is tight, looks promising. Beyond that - a gentleman never tells!
Shem hotep.

Police Hunt for Suspect in Gay Bar Attack By RAY HENRY

2006-02-03T07:33:00.000-05:00

By RAY HENRY, Associated Press Writer1 hour, 5 minutes ago

The attack on three patrons at a gay bar was a crime against the entire city, the mayor said at a candlelight vigil outside the nightspot.
Mayor Scott Lang joined about 150 people Thursday night outside Puzzles Lounge, where a young man dressed all in black went on a rampage with a hatchet and a gun earlier in the day, wounding three patrons, including one critically. Police said the attack appeared to be a hate crime.
Authorities searched for 18-year-old Jacob D. Robida, who was wanted on charges of attempted murder, assault and civil-rights violations. He was still at large early Friday, police said.
Under heavy police presence, community members and local politicians denounced the attack at the vigil.
Gays have the right to gather in safety and without fear of violence, said Andrew Pollock, president of the Marriage Equality Coalition of the South Seacoast.
"When you take the rights away from one group, you are dehumanizing that group and making them more vulnerable to violence," he said.
According to court papers, Robida's mother told police that he briefly stopped by the house less than an hour after the brawl and was bleeding from the head. Officers found Nazi regalia in Robida's bedroom and anti-Semitic writings on the wall.
"Obviously we have a man who's dangerous, who's not rational, and he has weapons," prosecutor Paul Walsh Jr. said.
A bartender said it was around midnight when a teen wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and black pants walked into Puzzles, a gay nightspot in this historic seaport city of 94,000 people about 50 miles from Boston.
He flashed an apparently fake ID and ordered a drink, then asked if the place was a gay bar and was told it was, said the bartender, who asked to be identified only by his first name, Phillip, because of fear for his safety.
The bartender said the teen finished his drink and walked back to where two men were playing pool. He shoved one of them to the ground, then pulled a hatchet from his sweatshirt and began swinging at the man's head, cutting him, Phillip said.
Other patrons tackled the man, sending the hatchet sliding across the floor, the bartender said. Then the attacker pulled a gun, shot a man, and then fired another bullet into the chest of a patron who was leaving the bathroom, the bartender said.
He then ran off into the night.
Police recovered the hatchet and found a knife outside. The knife was not apparently used in the attack.
Authorities identified the injured men as Robert Perry, Alex Taylor and Luis Rosado. One has a gunshot wound to the chest, another a gunshot wound to the back and severe cuts to his face, and a third suffered multiple cuts, police said. They would not specify which man suffered which injuries.
All three victims remained hospitalized. Police said one was in critical condition, but would not say which man.
A family friend who answered the door at Robida's home said his mother had no comment.
Some patrons said there has been occasional low-level harassment at the bar over the years.
Puzzles has been egged, cars parked outside have had windows smashed and teenagers have thrown rocks and bricks at the building's facade for years, said Dan Sheteron, 51, who lives upstairs. Anti-gay graffiti often defaces the building.
"This doesn't surprise me," Sheteron said of the attack. "It was either going to be this or a firebomb through the front window."

Pre-Order Now! COVENANT by Rashid Darden

2006-02-01T00:52:00.000-05:00

On February 1, 2006, hundreds of fans of Rashid Darden’s critically acclaimed novel LAZARUS will be waiting in virtual lines to pre-order COVENANT. A continuation of the life of Adrian Collins, COVENANT is the most eagerly anticipated sequel this year.

Synopsis:

Who will be the first to break?

ADRIAN is on a mission to heal himself from his emotional wounds....

ISAIAH is struggling to redefine himself....

Over the course of one summer these two men are united as friends - and more.

Read more...

Pre-Order now...

About the Author:

Rashid Darden is a refreshing new voice in African-American and gay literature. He brings to his writings a flavor influenced by years of eclectic experiences, from studying in Moscow and London to competing in poetry slams in his native Washington, DC. A graduate of Georgetown University who is currently enjoying the challenges and rewards of independent publishing, Rashid's novels are Lazarus (2005) and Covenant (2006).

Robert Denson, III, Sunpiper Press, February 2005, said:

Rashid Darden paints an exquisite portrait of college life, urban youth and the secrets we all hold from the world...

BUY YOUR COPY TODAY!!

(Stay tuned to www.oldgoldsoul.com for the unveiling of the cover, anotherdesign by the phenomenal Neil Wade!)

Shem hotep.

Mrs. Coretta Scott King: You Have Kept the Faith.

2006-01-31T10:14:00.000-05:00

1929 - 2006
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7 (NKJV)

A Good Read; Forget the Weekend Update

2006-01-30T17:26:00.000-05:00

Ok. The weekend was not all that. I went to Oakland (for a business meeting). My two bois that I hoped to hook up with were either out-of-town or tied up handling bizness. Plus the weather kinda sucked, and I wasn't really feelin' jumping the train into San Francisco and going to the Castro district by myself. The most I did was work, catch a quick movie (Big Mama's House 2), and READ. Now, let's talk about that last one.

I know this is not a book review site, and I make no pretenses about it (although I will continue to shamelessly promote Rashid Darden, Fred Smith, Tim'm West, Lee Hayes, Keith Boykin and others that I feel deserve ya support - lol). Anyway, I left the novel that I was reading, Love the One You're With, by James Early Hardy in my car at the airport parking lot. So, I needed a replacement and popped into Waldenbooks in Monroe, NC to get something. Well, if you're into ready novels by gay authors, let me tell you that Monroe ain't the place to shop. I saw one book by E. Lynn Harris and that was their entire gay section. Didn't have time to get into nearby Charlotte, so I grabbed a novel with an interesting cover (but for the life of me, I can't remember the name of it) but the reading was ho-hum. Since I had a layover in DC, I popped into Borders to find something a little better. I was about to give up and leave when I spotted these novels by Carl Weber on the bottom shelf at the end of the fiction section (hey Carl, get a last name at the beginning of the alphabet brotha). I had just ordered his book titled "The Preacher's Son" but didn't have time to get into it yet. I figured it wouldn't hurt to read one of his older works since I hadn't read any of them. I picked up "Married Men" (published in 2001). A'iight, I admit that I am behind the times on this author and some of you may already have read him. If so, this post ain't for u.

Now, if you haven't read it, then let me tell you this book is FIRE. I got pulled into it right away and couldn't have made a better choice for my 5.5 hour flight from Dulles to Oakland. Hell, I would have turned on the light in the back seat of the taxi to keep on reading even after I landed. I don't want to spoil it for anybody, but let me tell you it has all of the things that are near and dear to my reading heart -- cheating spouses, baby mama drama, lying men, whorish women, lies, deception - (excuse me while I wipe my eyes). These four guys are thick as thieves and yet display that basic bond that binds so many of us in the black community as brothas. They have issues with each other, issues with each other's girlfriends, issues with each other's wives, but through it all, that which binds them together is greater than that which could break them apart. The four characters, Kyle, Wil, Allen and Jay each take turns telling the story. You will find that each of them is in us a bit, and you will also know somebody who acts just like them.

That's all I'm going to tell ya about this book. Like I said, this blog is not a book review site. Disclaimer: the opinions expressed here are purely my own whether you agree with them or not. I finished the 373 pages in a restaurant last night after getting back to NC. I know I will be reading more of this brotha's works. I think you ought to as well. If you've read it, comment here. If you haven't read it, go buy it and remember - you heard it here first!

I gotta a date for dinner, so I'm out.

Shem hotep.

The Weekend in DC; Passionmarks II and all!

2006-01-25T06:55:00.000-05:00

LOL, now that I have your attention. Not a whole lot to report on last weekend in DC. I hit Chocolate City Saturday afternoon with plans to attend the reception for Lee Hayes, author of Passionmarks and his new release, A Deeper Blue: Passionmarks II. The festivities took place at a spot called Indebleu near downtown DC. Traffic was a mess for Saturday night, and I would rather drive in NYC any old time. The only reason I took my car into town rather than using the subway was because I was meeting my cousin and his partner for dinner after the reception. But I'll come back to that.

As soon as I got to Indebleu, the first thing I thought was another X El bar. The furnishings reminded me a lot of the bar in NYC that I wrote about in November when I went with my boy, Maxim. But I think the reception attracted a different crowd and there were some truly hot bois in the space. As soon as I got into the room for the reception, a guy named Tony grabs my arm and introduces himself. At first, I'm kinda shocked as he wants to introduce me to Lee Hayes who is sitting at a table autographing books. I later learn from Tony that he is the event planner, so it was his gig to make sure everyone got to meet the author. I later enlisted him to take a picture of Lee and me (I'll have to post that later; used a throwaway camera rather than my digital).

Since all of the guys that I wanted to take were either sick, out of town, or busy, I didn't plan to stay long as I wouldn't know anyone in there. I was hoping to meet Bill whom I had met online and who told me earlier that he planned to be in the room. As it turned out, we missed each other by about 5 minutes. His friends didn't come with him, and he was late arriving. I did get a chance to holla at my alum, Tim'm West and his partner. Tim'm is one of the coolest kats in the family and I'm not just saying that becuz he might be reading this - lol. He is a down-to-earth, intellectual, hip-hop artist.

Ok, after 30 minutes I skip out to go meet Cousin and Goodboi at Union Station. Our original plans were to feast at B. Smith's restaurant in Union Station, but they were booked up for the evening. We headed uptown NW to Bus Boys and Poets. Some of you will remember that this is the spot where Tim'm hosted his Thursday evening Front Porch after a fire destroyed his usual space, Cafe Mawonaj. The place was jammed packed on Saturday night. The hostess told me it would take about 30 minutes to seat our party of 3. We moved over into the bookstore area to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. I checked several times to see if we were close to being seated and finally was told that the only parties leaving tables were 2's. There is no space to reconfigure for 3, and after waiting over an hour - WE LEFT. Since I am not a DC expert, I took my little party of 3 over to Dupont Circle. I had to circle the area for a minute to find a parking space, but I knew I was eating in Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe & Grill. As usual, it was a good eating experience and Cousin and I got to catch up on hislyfe, mylyfe and the gossip about our family lyfe. I even drove them back to Baltimore on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Among all of my kinfolks, Cousin is the best and not just becuz we have some habits in common - lol.

On Sunday morning, I had considered going to church with Spiderman, but after rolling back to my hotel in the pre-dawn hours, I wasn't really feeling an early morning service. After he called to check to see if I was still going, we agreed to get together for brunch, and I rolled back over for a few more minutes of blissful shuteye. Spiderman picked me up around 12 noon, and we headed to Luna Grill & Diner Shirlington to eat. I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than sitting at a table with a phyne man who is both frat and friend, and Spiderman is all that plus (stop blushing Spiderman. You know it is true). And I wasn't the only one in the restaraunt feeling him, because Dude at another table kept giving him steady eye the whole time we were there. We kee-keed for a while b4 it was time for me to head back to the Old North State.

Well, gotta head to the day job. Will be in Oakland for the weekend. Anybody in O wanna show me the town, hit me on email. Will be there Friday/Saturday nights.

And now, get ready y'all:

COVENANT, the follow up novel to Rashid Darden's debut novel LAZARUS will be available for pre-order exclusively at http://www.oldgoldsoul.com on February 1, 2006.

Shem hotep.

Pegging (But he's str8, right?)

2006-01-22T20:59:00.000-05:00

Yeah. Right. My friend, Spiderman and I, were just talking today about str8 boys who proclaim their heterosexuality all the while they are blowing your back out. Tonight while looking at "top" and "bottom" in wikipedia, I encountered this:

Pegging (sexual practice)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

A woman pegging a man doggy-style with a 4-strap harness and dildo, using the corner of the bed to adjust the height to that most comfortable for penetration
Pegging is a neologism invented in 2001 that describes a form of anal sex where a female uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate a heterosexual male's anus. This practice may be legally prohibited in places that have sodomy laws.
The origin of the term was a winning entry in a June 21, 2001 contest in Dan Savage's Savage Love sex advice column. In the column, it was a specifically heterosexual term; the competition was held after an observation was made that there was no common name for the practice of females penetrating heterosexual men with a dildo.

(Ok, now. Lemme get this straight. If a man gets penetrated with a strap-on dildo, he's still straight because a woman is doing it? Gimme a break!)

Shem hotep.

Tragic Shooting of Oklahoma University Alpha Phi Alpha Student

2006-01-19T15:31:00.000-05:00

OU student shot, killed near OSU By John Estus

STILLWATER - Authorities arrested a man from The Village on a murder complaint Sunday after a shooting at an off-campus fraternity party killed one man and injured three others early Sunday.
Oklahoma City police arrested Karras Mitchell Harrison, who lives at 2721 Carlton Way in The Village, Sunday evening. He was held at the Oklahoma City Police Department until Payne County authorities could retrieve him.
He was taken to the Payne County jail, where authorities expected he would be held at least until Tuesday, when an arraignment is planned.
Three other people believed to have been with Harrison are being sought for questioning, Stillwater police Sgt. Jeff Watts said.
Paul Shanor, 20, of Carrollton, Texas, died at Stillwater Medical Center on Sunday afternoon from a gunshot wound to the chest.
Shanor was a member of the University of Oklahoma chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity.
"The university family feels a tremendous sense of loss," OU President David Boren said in a statement. "Paul was a highly respected student. It is heartbreaking to see his life cut short in such a tragic way."
Oklahoma State University officials also expressed remorse.
"It is deeply saddening and troubling when a gathering of students and their friends turns violent because of the actions of a few," OSU President David Schmidly said in a statement.
Metcalf said Harrison could face at least one charge of second-degree murder and three charges of assault with a deadly weapon.
Metcalf said officers were called to Holiday Inn, 2515 W Sixth, at 3:11 a.m. Sunday and found four gunshot wound victims in the hotel's Iba Suite. Metcalf said about 40 to 60 people attended the party, sponsored by Oklahoma State University's chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha.
The gathering was described as an after-party for the fraternity's dance at the OSU student union Saturday night.
Metcalf said investigators believe the shots were fired after some uninvited guests tried to enter the party and were denied entrance by Alpha Phi Alpha members.
Multiple shots were fired from a .45-caliber weapon into the hotel room, striking four people.
Legaria Thomas, 19, an OSU student, was at an Oklahoma City hospital Sunday after having been shot in the face.
Curtis Canaday, 22, a Langston University student, was shot in the hand and was treated at Stillwater Medical Center before being released.
An unnamed third victim was in critical condition in the intensive care unit at Stillwater Medical Center Sunday night.
Cory Cox, president of Alpha Phi Alpha at OSU, would not comment.
On Nov. 18, 2004, OSU administrators banned Alpha Phi Alpha and seven other African-American fraternities and sororities from having dances in the student union after Stillwater police found a gun on a man who was involved in one of many fights at an Alpha Phi Alpha dance in the student union Oct. 2, 2004. The man was not a student.
At least one other event has been held in the student union since the ban was lifted last fall.
Contributing: Augie Frost

To my frat brother who has now entered Omega Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., '06!

In Honor of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

2006-01-16T19:27:00.000-05:00

Last night on the eve of the day we celebrate the birthday of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I had a conversation with Kelley about my experiences in our segregated hometowns (we are from cities that are 40 miles apart). I recalled for him my memories of boarding buses/trains after all whites had been seated, male relatives forced to urinate over the side of the ferry because the only bathrooms onboard were for whites, standing at lunch counters but not able to be seated, and about my mother and me being put off of a train in the dark, forced to stumble down the tracks back to the train station, and then having to sleep on the wooden bench all night in the "Colored" section within sight of the more comfortable leather seats in the "White" section in Petersburg, VA. Kelley asked me how I have been able to make the transition from a segregated society to the one we live in today. My answer to him was that all that I experienced during those years has made me a somewhat vigilant person about the value of basic freedoms and suspicious of signs that I take as ways to put a face of sophistication on racism. Segregation of yesterday is being replaced with "compassionate conservatism" today. Race neutral policies leave in place the unbalanced economic, political and social power structures that were constructed during de facto and de jure segregation. States rights, decentralized federal government, and individual liberty undergird the belief that 'we are not our brother's keeper' and that the poor and/or unempowered are thus made by their own choosing.

And so I cannot be completely trusting of the America in which we find ourselves in the 21st century. One hundred forty years has not undone 300 years of slavery or 60 years of Jim Crowism. The words of Dr. King are a reminder that America still has not delivered on its promises to its citizens of color. I remember watching this historic event on our black and white TV that received the 2 networks in our area - CBS and NBC. For those of us living under the nightmare of segregation, his "sermon" gave us a reason to get up the next morning and continue to "fight the good fight."

I know that many of you were born after Dr. King's death. But as you hear Dr. King's message played on radio and TV throughout today, try to imagine what it would mean to you when you have just finished peeing over the side of a crowded boat. Shem hotep.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free.

One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.

So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.

So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights.
The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. we must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

(Be sure to click on the Dr. King photo above to hear his magnificent excerpt - "The Drum Major Instinct").

Fratman1906 At 360 Yahoo

2006-01-16T00:11:00.000-05:00

Hell, it's hard enough to keep one blog going, so don't asked me why I decided to replicate it at 360 Yahoo. But I did, so take a look and tell me what you think. Fratman1906 on 360 Yahoo is live and kicking. And if you can connect as a "Friend" then just do it.

Now I am going to visit the clubs in Myrtle Beach, SC. Will let you know in my next entry about the night life that I encounter. Shem hotep!

Changing the MLK weekend plans

2006-01-13T14:48:00.000-05:00

Fratman1906 is resting up for a weekend at the beach. Originally, Maxim and I had planned to spend this weekend in Atlanta. But, it was a trip that was just not meant to be. We began planning for this weekend in November while returning from our excursion in the NYC for the Veterans Day weekend. We thought we might recreate some of the excitement of the Labor Day Pride weekend. Coming off of Christmas, we needed a few more participants to pull this off and share expenses. Unfortunately, for several good reasons, our bois backed out after the New Year. I had a room reserved at the Doubletree in Buckhead (canceled last night), so if someone is looking for a room, there is one available for 3 nights.

Since I had already put in for a vacation day on Friday to travel to ATL, I decided to use the day off to work on the blog (you wouldn't believe how much trouble I had putting that damn picture on the profile). So now I have that worked out. Anyway, I have re-grouped for the weekend and will spend Saturday thru Monday in Myrtle Beach, SC. It is going to be a nice quiet time to get away from the chaos of work (2006 has been kicking ass and taking names) and do some reading, sleeping, eating and flirting (oops, did I say that?). Found a nice hotel on the beach for $41/night plus tax.

So, there might not be much to blog about when I return, but then again.... Meanwhile, let me recommend to you a new blogger who definitely has some fiction writing skills. Meet Defense, Doniel who has been posting to Keith Boykin's message board. When you read "The Crack Addiction of Samuel McGee," you will see his grasp of some potent issues and his ability to narrate them.

And now this important message from Rashid Darden, author of Lazarus -- COVENANT is coming!! Yeaaaaaa!

Shem hotep!

From Brokeback Mountain thru the Fireplace to the Banana Republic

2006-01-05T22:14:00.000-05:00

(Let me say upfront that this is a long post, but I decided to post it all at one time rather than promising installments that might not get delivered. Read some, do something else, come back to it, but by all means enjoy it. I DID!).

What an incredible holiday vacation I had (THANKS Maxim; you're incredible and played a big part in this). I really thought that I would write a blog entry or two while I was away, but the temptation to just chill and vegetate was too strong. I left work at 2 pm on 12/21 and didn’t look back. I was bound for CT/NYC (an 11 hour drive), but spent two nights with Maxim in VA along the way. Since central NC is one of the markets where the LOGO channel is not a part of the line up, I had not seen any of the episodes of Noah’s Arc. Maxim had two episodes recorded on his DVR and I was finally able to see my first shows. Coming from a Bible belt region that is still struggling to say the word ‘homosexual’, I must say that watching black gay males on this show was absolutely “fab-u-lous”. Now before some of you decide to throw darts at me for saying that, remember the “deprived” environment in which I must constantly live. Therefore, NA was as refreshing as spring rain. The next night, we got the chance to see ‘Brokeback Mountain’ (in Dupont Circle, of course – lol). And, isn't Heath Ledger's character the non-stereotypical, straight-looking sweetie with more issues than the New York Times? The theatre started the movie on the hour, every hour on most of the screens. That really helped keep long lines from forming although there were plenty of people there. I don't know about the rest of you, but Jake Gyllenhaal's character certainly set off my gaydar early in the movie. Of course I have read the articles on Keith Boykin’s website and other Single Gender Loving (SGL) blogs about this movie (btw, I agree with Keith’s love/hate assessment of the movie). But just as shows like “Will & Grace” and “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” opened some doors for gay black shows (even if they are confined to the LOGO channel), I believe that movies such as Brokeback Mountain may open the doors to some major cinema coups for black gay love stories that are not categorized as ‘down low’ films. How about a movie about a high ranking gay member of the President of the United States staff who eventually settles down with a creative producer and forms a loving power couple sgl family (hint, hint Keith and Nathan).

Ok, back to my vacation. From Brokeback Mountain, we hit Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe in Dupont Circle for dinner. I am a solid fan of this bookstore/restaurant and this was actually my second time eating there in December (the first time was with two other Duke alums - Maxim and Tim'm West). The sharezies are a great way to sample foods (sort of like tapas), and there is a great view of men passing by on the sidewalk entering or leaving Dupont Circle. But I digress, whew. One of Maxim’s friends came by to deliver a Christmas gift while we were in the restaurant. I had a great laugh when he asked if I was Maxim’s mentor (forgot to use my Just For Men formula lol). Maxim’s reply was better than any I could have given when he told him that he (Maxim) was my mentor (which is true).

On Friday, I was off to NYC/CT for a week-long holiday vacation. Another aside here, what’s up with slow azz drivers on the NJ Turnpike. If you can’t stomp with the big dogs, stay on the porch (and off the turnpike). Ok, enough venting. While no one has ever accused me of being a fan of cold climates, this is my third or fourth time in the area during the winter, and God help me, I am starting to enjoy it (last winter, I was walking in Times Square during fast falling snow and handling it like an old New Yorker). There is something magical about the Big Apple that will make you change your opinion about being there. There is literally something for everyone and all of the time. Ok, during the week, we (my CT relatives & I) went to Mohegan Sun and contributed to the economic security of the native Americans there, even left all of the winnings from a pretty nice slot machine hit. I upgraded my cellphone to a picture phone and added the wireless earpiece. I am so hooked on that little Bluetooth piece of technology, that I am beginning to feel/look like a Borg who is being assimilated; resistance is futile.

On Christmas Day, I slept late, chucked the diet and ate like there would never be another holiday, slept like a bear in hibernation, opened presents from the family plus those that staff and co-workers had given me earlier (I have enough restraint to wait until Christmas day), and never bothered to get dressed all day. But the real reason that I slept late can be attributed to the LOGO Channel. Remember from above that I got to see my first 2 episodes of Noah’s Arc with Maxim? Well, on Christmas Eve, while channel surfing, I stumbled upon a marathon of Noah’s Arc running on LOGO beginning at 11 pm. I watched every one of them and am now completely caught up. Let’s re-open those discussion topics on the shows now that I am armed and ready to debate the pros and cons. Now that is what I call a relaxing holiday.

On Wednesday, I drove up to central CT for a mid-afternoon lunch with No4real4real. Now those of you who follow my blog know that this man is someone I admire greatly, and each time we meet, talk or IM, I continue to marvel at his wonderful personality, insight into the condition of sgl life, and his comfortability with who he is. Our original intent was to eat at Sally Apizza, but they did not open until later in the evening. So, we walked down the street to Frank Pepe's pizzeria which was as delicious a pizza pie as any other I might have sampled. I was trying diligently to maintain the momentum I built over the last 18 months resulted in losing 67 lbs., but this opportunity was too great to pass up. It was worth every damn ounce that I gained, but now I am having to hit the gym twice a day to get it back off. Oh well. No4real4real hit me with a bit of philosophy that had been shared with him by someone with the Human Rights Campaign (I just became a member last month). It was that older men who are just coming out are like adolescents in terms of hitting the gay activities scene. Hmm, now did I fit that or what? ATL Pride in Sept., the Octagon, X El, Chi-Chiz, and the Hangar in November, the Bachelor’s Mill and the Fireplace in December. Life is “jood” (thanks James Earl Hardy for that word). After some really good conversation, we drove to the local Ikea. Of course I spent money that I didn’t need to spend, but I convinced myself that the things I picked up were needed for the renovation of my condo. My ass will be broke all of January (we get paid once at the end of every month). After dropping No4real4real at his place, I was back in southern CT in quick time. Thursday was all day rain, so I canceled my plans to go into NYC and had another sleep-a-thon.

Saturday was my designated day to take NYC by storm. I have learned how to leave my car in CT and take the Metro-North into Grand Central. After some tremendous seafood at BB King Blues Club & Grill near Times Square and a tour of Rockefeller Center, I hopped on the #1 subway to Christopher St. I am still not great at starting conversations with folks that I don’t know, but I did enjoy the eye candy in Chi-Chiz on Saturday afternoon, not to mention some hotties who came into Starbucks. No wonder folks pay southern mortgage payments in rent to live in NYC. I could get a serious addiction to the area. Now my biggest challenge of the trip was deciding whether to stay in the City and be a part of the midnight crowd in Times Square or not. Worsening weather conditions in CT made me decide to head to the house and put off TS for another year. Besides, its more fun when you’re with someone. Sigh, maybe next year.

Sunday was back to Maxim’s in the DC area. We did dinner at Kramer’s again (love that space), and then he introduced me to the Fireplace in DC at 22nd St. & P in NW. This popular watering place was jammed with phyne sgl men to turn your head. What’s more, it is so crowded that it is impossible not to have physical contact by being in the right place at the right time. Plus, it is good to be hitting the circuit with Maxim who seems to know a great many of the bois and is known by many as well. Those who don’t know him try to get to know him, and that’s a good thing. He and Braids had a special thang going that evening. Life is jood for everybody!! The drinks are not watered down, either.

After delaying as long as I could on Monday morning (watched old shows with Maxim, any excuse to keep from leaving), I finally headed back to NC. I had to stop at Banana Republic for one last mini-shopping spree to counter the depression of going back to work. It helped some.

Now I am going to end this with my New Year’s resolutions. I don’t ordinarily get into doing this but feel these two are especially appropriate (and do-able):

1. to weigh no more on Dec. 31, 2006 than I did on Jan. 1, 2006, and

(drum roll please because this is the spoken word...)

2. NEVER MAKE SOMEONE YOUR PRIORITY WHEN THEY ONLY MAKE YOU AN OPTION! -- Author: Unknown (for me, no more trying to stay in touch with folks who don’t want to be in touch).

(A special shout out and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to No4real4real who turns 26 on January 7th. It's your day, seize it and hold it!)

To Maxim, Tandy, Kelley, T-Bone, Rashid, No4real4real, Tim’m, AlbuK, Dalite1, all of my fellow bloggers, readers, friends, “mentors” and supporters, A Happy Prosperous New Year and Shem hotep!

Merry Christmas to All

2005-12-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

Here's hoping that you and your loved ones will have the Merriest Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am spending the holidays in the NYC area and may not blog frequently for the next 10 days. I will do an occasional post as the opportunity arises. There is so much to do here, and I intend to take full advantage including spending a little time with No4real4real this week. I have already spent 2 nights with Maxim in the DC area and look forward to stopping in there on New Year's day on my way home. Looks as though I won't get to see THE COLOR PURPLE on Broadway as I had hoped (sold out until January), so I am going to try for RENT.

Shem hotep!

A Fire Week/Weekend in DC - A Forty Year Old Secret Is Resurrected (Part II)

2005-12-10T16:45:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I met Kelley for coffee at Starbucks. We have fraternal connections as well as roots in the same part of our home state. Turns out we know some folks in common that I had just as soon not had to remember. During our casual conversation and lattes, he mentioned the name of the church that he had grown up in. Well, even the church name holds memories for me that I had tried to bury long ago. As a kid growing up, I was real active in my church and attended church conventions in nearby towns. As you younger generations have read, there were no motels/hotels for black folks to stay in during the 60's. Instead, members of the church would host conference participants. When I was 12, I attended a Sunday school convention and was assigned to stay with a church family composed of 3 brothers and a sister (all of whom were in their late 40's to early 60's in age). None had ever married and they lived in the home built by their parents at the beginning of the 20th century. When Kelley told me the name of his church, a forty year old memory that I have continually kept quiet about found its way into words. Last month, only Maxim had ever heard me mention something had happened to me as a child, and I was very general leaving out a lot. I told Kelley that some members of his church had molested me, and he was able to name them right away. Shock.

Since, sex and especially homosexuality had NEVER been discussed in my home or community within earshot of us kids, I was as dumb as a concrete block. Boy, did I get educated, confused and shamed real fast. Bottom line is I was molested those 2 nights by two of the three brothers. I managed to avoid penetration, but everything else was done including oral sex, fondling, french kissing (you get the picture). My tears had no effect on them. In looking back, the oldest brother who didn't touch me was in his 60's and had probably had enough youngsters. The other two had twin beds in the same room, and I was required to go back and forth from one bed to another. I never was given a bed to sleep in alone. They kept close to me at church and made sure to buy me things at the stores after the church meetings ended each day.

The sister had a young girl who they had "taken in" sleeping with her. Looking back, I still see Brenda's sad, downcast eyes as she climbed the stairs each night to go sleep in that room. They had also "raised" a boy from the community who left home and cut off all contact with them. I could understand why he would do that. Later, I would understand their concern was not so much for his welfare as it was for whether he would tell the world what they had probably done to him as well.

I learned from Kelley that all of the brothers are dead now. The sister is well into her nineties. I am in a way, grateful to Kelley for being there and bringing this to the surface. Each time I have thought about it, I have been depressed and pushed the memories away. It has been a private hell. Perhaps now the healing begins.

In part III, I will blog about my visit to a DC church that welcomes and affirms single gender loving folks. Shem hotep.

Another Family Member

2005-12-09T18:18:00.000-05:00

In July, I wrote about MySon2 who died of AIDS in July 2003. You never seem to recover from these losses, and hardly a day goes by that I don't miss him. His journey from knowing that he was HIV+ to dying of AIDS was 3 short years. I know people are living longer now HIV/AIDS through the use of some very powerful drugs. I also have met through blogging friends who use alternative medicines, treatments and meditation to control the effects of the disease.

Last weekend, a family member whom I am closest to was admitted to the hospital for extreme exhaustion. The early diagnosis was kidney failure and anemia. Of course, more blood work was required to find out the causes of these two events in his body. The answer is back, and he is HIV+.

He is strong and in otherwise good health, so the prognosis is encouraging. He reads my blog, so when he is released from the hospital and gets around to catching up, I want you to know - I LOVE YOU, CUZ and I got your back.

Shem hotep.

A Fire Week/Weekend in DC

2005-12-06T22:56:00.000-05:00

I had meetings that took me to the District for several days last week and kept me there through the weekend. Well, just as I had good times in ATL and NYC, DC was not to be left out of the running. The first night was meet up night with Maxim (we hung out in ATL and DC, too). We used dinner at Café Salsa in Old Town Alexandria as our place to catch up on everything that may have happened to/with our friends since the NYC trip. Of course, we didn’t miss the opportunity to observe some of the hot Latino waiters in the restaurant. In fact, the vision of the wait staff combined with the Puerto Rican piononas (beef picadillo wrapped in sweet plaintains) and several glasses of sangria that rivaled my experience in Spain put this eatery on my list of “definitely go again.” That’s my own special rating system for restaurants – those on the “go again” list are 3 stars or better. Since the night temps were bit frigid, we called it a night early, especially knowing that would not be the case on Thursday night.

Now Thursday night reminded me of my undergraduate days when the weekend began on Thursday and ended on Tuesday (every week). Wednesdays were the day off from partying. Tandy joined Maxim and me for Ben’s Chili Bowl on U St. in NW before we headed to Busboy And Poets to catch my friend, Tim’m West’s Front Porch 1st anniversary celebration. If you caught my blog last week, you know that a fire destroyed Tim’m’s usual space at Café Mawonaj. Being the resourceful person that he is (we Duke men know how to handle business – lol), he turned to Bus Boys and Poets and secured the stage for his show. We arrived during open mic and heard the spoken word on loss of friends to AIDS. This was especially significant since it was also World AIDS Day. Tim’m came from his heart with his spoken words from past published works and from his blog. Complementing the show and complimenting the life work of Tim’m was a performance by Monica McIntyre accompanied by her sister Marcia. Monica is an accomplished cellist while Marcia commands the audience attention with her mastery of the classical violin. Together, these two women cover the full range of emotion as told through their music. The most touching moments of the evening came with Monica’s unexpected dramatization of a young women learning from her doctor that the health issues she is experiencing is a result of her having contracted the AIDS virus. You felt the devastation, hurt and betrayal in her characterization of the black female victim whose supposedly monogamous relationship turns out not to have been so monogamous. Monica indicated this was the first time she decided to perform this soliloquy. I encourage her to continue to perform and refine this piece because the message is so vital. If you get an opportunity to catch her in Philly or some other venue, I recommend her to you.
From Bus Boys and Poets, we headed downtown to the Bachelor’s Mill on 8th St. in SE. In addition to having a reasonable cover charge - $5 – the boys in there, were as hot as any I saw in NYC or Atlanta Pride 2005. The music was raging, the energy level high, and for the first time, I was in a club where I could dance, enjoy every minute of it, and not wish the track would end so I could leave the floor. Not only that, I met two guys right off from my home state. It’s a shame that we must leave the Bible Belt in order to have the true freedom to fully develop as loving human beings. Anyway, Rocky and Will did just that and the self-assuredness they have developed was evident. Dance floor downstairs, bar and lounge upstairs, outside secluded area upstairs, and heavy drinks (no watered down stuff here) makes for a highly rated evening in DC (and that's just on Thursday). We left around 2 am when the club closed. Tandy is well known and liked in the DC circuit although he had been away from the scene for a minute while pursuing a love interest. So leaving was made difficult by the number of guys who wanted to holla and renew old acquaintances. In addition, Maxim has more than a few friends some of whom are eager to renew and pursue a relationship with him (he really is a phyne 23 yo who knows it - don't let that go to your head when you read this).

Next entry about "A Fire/Weekend in DC" will talk about a 40 year old secret came out on Saturday.

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships (Part IV)

2005-12-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

This final entry concludes the interview with Libra03. Remember, if you're a victim, seek help. If you're an abuser, seek help.

Fratman1906: Let's shift gears. Have you ever been a victim of abuse or violence?
Libra03: I dont know if i would say I was a victim, but me and my first fought once
Fratman1906: How and why did that happen?
Libra03: Jealousy my behalf.....funny thing is that we wasn’t even together at the time...just living together
Fratman1906: What led to the fight?
Libra03: Well, we didn’t have the healthiest relationship. It was my first gay relationship so I knew nothing aside from all that what led to the fight was that he was sneaky to me, and I never trusted him.
Fratman1906: And when you got into the fight, did you leave each other after that?
Libra03: I became like almost obsessive with jealousy, but yes we broke up.
Fratman1906: What did you learn from that episode?
Libra03: We have incidents prior to this one though, usually with me hitting him. It was unhealthy and there really was no point. Funny thing is that I viewed it as a fight between to males at the time. Now I see it differently.
Fratman1906: It was still violence within a domestic/romantic relationship.
Libra03: yes...and it was because I didn’t know how to direct my anger and frustration with him.
Fratman1906: There doesn't necessarily have to be one stronger and one weaker person in domestic violence situations. Both may be equally yoked, but physical or mental abuse is still problematic. Is this the person whom you pushed through a window?
Libra03: Yes, during our last fight that happened. It was my actions that started it but he hit me first. The thing is at the time I looked at it as we are both males and it was self defense. I think most people look at it that way and that is why they remain in those situations
Fratman1906: You said this was your first gay relationship. How long had you entertained the idea of hooking up with another male? Were you out? How long?
Libra03: I wasn’t out....I always knew i was interested in guys....I met him when i was 21, and this happened over the span of 2-3 years.
Fratman1906: Did this have any effect on your subsequent relationships, especially involving long term partners?
Libra03: If anything it helped me for the better. I can remember Friend and me getting into an argument one night, and it could have escalated to a fight.
Fratman1906: Did your previous experience help you to pull back?
Libra03: yes...it did. I was not interested in fighting him, but he told me later that he felt as if he wanted to fight me.
Fratman1906: Why do you think he felt that way?
Libra03: He was really angry and intoxicated. Something happened prior to that he didn’t like. He doesn’t like to feel controlled and I think that is the way he felt with me sometimes. Not that i tried to control him, but it came off that way
Fratman1906: Do you think Friend is comfortable with his sexual orientation or still coming to grips?
Libra03: I think he is way more comfortable since he was with me. I think he will agree that I made him more comfortable with himself
Fratman1906: Having witnessed Jason & JM along with your own experience, what advice would you give SGL couples and is there anything else you want to add?
Libra03: That no matter if its a male/male or female/female or male/female relationship that violence between partners is still domestic violence. Its no different just because you are the same sex and ceteris paribus; it is still domestic violence. In this type pf situation the healthiest thing for you to do is remove yourself from it because I think that the level violence is worst in gay relationships than hetero relationships. I don’t have the reason why but I would surely like to find out why.

Shem hotep!

World AIDS Day - December 1, 2005

2005-12-02T14:49:00.000-05:00

Forever in my heart. I miss you guys:

Thomas J.
Richard C.
Robert F.

The world can never be the same because you left us much too soon.
With great sadness,
Your friend forever.

Tim'm West Celebrates the 1st Anniversary of the Front Porch at Busboys and Poets in DC

2005-11-29T22:59:00.000-05:00

Live in the DC/MD/VA area? Or are you going to be in the District on Thursday Dec. 1 (like me)? Then come hear/see/experience one of the best hip-hop artist around as Tim'm West celebrates the 1st anniversary of the "Front Porch." Tim'm has been recognized by everyone from Keith Boykin to Newsweek magazine for his fantastic talent. Normally held on the first Thursday of each month at Cafe Mawonaj in DC, the show will take place instead at Busboys and Poets.

Here are details followed by a word from Tim'm:

December 1 , 2005

Front Porch at BusBoys and Poets

Celebrate Our 1st Anniversary Show!

As Tim'm presents "The Front Porch"

family, flow, friends, funk

Busboys and Poets
www.busboysandpoets.com
14th and V Streets, NW

(near U Street Metro/Green Line)

Washington, DC

9pm FREE!!!!

December (World AIDS Day)

Features

Monica McIntyre (Philly) with Marcia McIntyre

Ayanna Muhammad (Chicago)

Monica McIntyre is a talented cellist, vocalist, and lyricist who started playing the cello at the age of 7. Ms. McIntyre is originally from Hyattsville, MD where she studied classical cello for 11 years. Monica came to Philadelphia, PA to study Fashion Design at Drexel University. Her debut album Blusolaz was released in October 2003. Monica has performed at The Black Women's Art Festival 2003, Philadelphia Fringe Festival 2003, Soul Sista's Jukejoint GA 2004, The Philadelphia Underground Music Phestival (PUMP) 2004 and Women Against Abuse 2005. She was also featured in BInformed Magazine 2004, The Writer Blocks 2004, Philadelphia Arts Writers (PAW) 2004, MagnaPhone Magazine 2004 and The City Paper, PA 2004. Look out for Abuse, Monica McIntyre's newest project to be released in the Fall of 2005. She will be joined on December 1st, by her sister violinist Marcia McIntyre!

Ayanna Muhammad is a Chicago native who has become very active in the LGBT community. She is a model, actress, dancer, writer and performance artist who uses her talents as a platform to entertain and inform. In her latest and dearest venture as a spoken word artist, Ayanna has traveled the country sharing her words and experiences with her national LGBT family. As an educator, she has worked with groups of gay, lesbian and trans teens building a network of resources and providing safe spaces and activities. Her students have volunteered with HIV/AIDS organizations doing community education/ outreach projects and providing direct services to HIV/AIDS positive patients and their families. This spring, Ayanna’s first collection of poetry, Raw Sugar, will be published with a national tour scheduled for the summer of 2006. Ayanna is a member of a lesbian performance group, POW-WOW Poets, in Chicago.

And now an open letter to you from Tim'm:

Dear Front Porch Family,

Spirit moves in remarkable ways. Something was bugging me while teaching at school on Tuesday and I came home earlier than normal with a fatigue I couldn't explain. Soon after arriving home, I started getting word from several sources that Café Mawonaj, the site where I've been holding the monthly soul/spoken word/hip hop showcase "The Front Porch", experienced a fire over Thanksgiving weekend, leaving the equipment and kitchen damaged and the space, generally uninhabitable (details at the very end of this message). Please show them your support as they try to rebuild their space in a community that much needs their presence and sense of awareness.

I immediately thought about the relevance of celebrating one-year of the "Front Porch", a safe space where people embrace the intimacy and fellowship of "family", friends, and sharing, much like I grew up experiencing as a kid on Arkansas front porches. I thought about the Ayanna Muhammad and Monica McIntyre traveling from Chicago and Philadelphia, respectively to honor one-year of this tradition. The show would have to go on. Being a pretty resourceful guy who has performed in a variety of venues in DC, I thought about alternative locations in the NW area that would be just a few minutes away, in the event that people don't get this notice and have to rely on signs posted at Mawonaj.

I called Andy Shallal, owner of Busboys and Poets www.busboysandpoets.com, who I had the good fortune to meet on several occasions during poetry or literary events there. Busboys and Poets seems an ideal space for the event because of their teaching and activist bookstore, their excellent restaurant, as well as their dedicated space called the "Langston Room", named after Langston Hughes, who himself was a busboy and a poet while he lived in DC. The Langston room has been a inspirational repository for cutting edge performance, film, and literary showcases. Andy Shallal was incredibly understanding and sympathetic to the crisis at hand and permitted me to advertise our move to Busboys and Poets for the December Anniversary event!!! We begin the event at 9 pm rather than the usual 8 pm, so it is important that people get there promptly. The space is open so you are even encouraged to eat or grab a bite at the usual 8 pm and enter the space as soon as it becomes available. This will undoubtedly mean a shortened open-mic session, but you'll certainly have an opportunity to hear Chicago's Ayanna Muhammad, Philly's Monica McIntyre (who will again be joined by her sister, Marcia), and your host, that Tim'm guy. December 1st is also World AIDS Day, so I've asked that the features bring at least a piece of work that honors the occasion and our commitment to the cause beyond this date.

I ask that you spread the word to as many as you know about the change in location. Upon your arrival, I also encourage you to let the staff at Busboys and Poets know how grateful you are that they've opened their doors to us. I had already pitched moving the "Front Porch" to their space, but they couldn't, at the time, secure every first Thursday. Perhaps a strong show of support can help them reconsider that decision-- help them realize that there's no other space like the "Front Porch" (anywhere) and that supporting and preserving it, in a space committed to activist arts and education, is a match made in heaven.

Thank you for your indulgence, and I look forward to celebrating one year of the "Front Porch" at Busboys and Poets with you on Thursday evening!

Tim'm T. West
www.reddirt.biz

And from the Fratman1906, shem hotep!

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships (Part III)

2005-11-27T21:40:00.000-05:00

Earlier, I provided entries on this topic from discussions with friends who have been victims of domestic partner violence within gay relationships. You have heard from Maxim and Tandy. Now hear the interview of a young man who observed violence between his friends and was involved in incidents of his own.

Fratman1906: Hello Libra03. Thanks for agreeing to talk with blog readers and me on this serious topic. As you know, I have posted on this previously after talking with some victims. You bring a different perspective, and I hope that your forthrightness will educate some folks who may be suffering right now and need a little push in the right direction. We have talked about domestic abuse. Let's start with your observations from having to go to an emergency room to be with someone who has been a victim. Tell us about that.
Libra03: It was weird to be an outsider looking in at this; it was almost like a dream. I knew that the two of them had a violent relationship but I didn’t know it was that serious. It all began over the two of them messing with the same boy.
Fratman1906: Did you know they were messing with the same boy? How did they find out about each other?
Libra03: I didn’t know that...well here it is.... the one who is more my friend is named Jason and has this friend from VA that he calls his little gay son, and who comes up from time to time. Apparently one time he came up and the two of them had a sexual encounter. Jason has a live in lover that he is off and on with named JM who found out about Jason and his buddy and in return decided he was going to get even and hook up with the friend as well.
Fratman1906: Did JM and Jason have fights b4?
Libra03: Of course but nothing of this severity that I’m aware of.
Fratman1906: Was one pretty much dominant over the other? That is was one constantly a victim and the other an abuser?
Libra03: No, both were equally as bad. Well, it all came out and the drama began. It was August, the night of Brooklyn pride and also JM's birthday
Fratman1906: How did the violence begin? Were they fairly even in size or was one much bigger than the other?
Libra03: Equal in size. Jason is a little shorter but overall equal. Jason promised JM that he was going to ruin his birthday. It all began with arguing in the club. Jason wore this t-shirt that read something like “I mess with only the best” or something like that. The two of them were arguing outside and in the club; mix that with drinks and it’s a mess. JM is also the person who throws parties at this nightclub called The City. Jason called the police and said that they were selling drugs in there and that it was over the allowed capacity. The cops came and closed the party. No one knew what had happened except me because I was there when he had called.
Fratman1906: Go on.
Libra03: So now party over...we were supposed to go over to their house in Brooklyn for more partying...Jason and JM house. While we were on our way there, we get a call asking where we were and I that is when all of the fighting began at the house. When we pulled up, there was an ambulance sitting out front with the back doors open. Then my buddy and I walkover there because he noticed a pair of timberlands outside the ambulance. We find Jason bleeding from his head. It was a mess...blood all over his clothes and everything. I was in awe and immediately asked what happened. He said that JM and his two friends came to the house and jumped him. So, we went to the hospital and he was given a staple in his head.
Fratman1906: Was this fight one of several physical fights that they had had aside from arguments?
Libra03: Yes.... but nothing of that severity; that was over the top. Apparently, JM came home, John had people over there, and the door was locked. He was upset about that and he told everyone to get out his house. Actually, JM’s two friend are the ones who told Johns friends to leave. When they left, John went to get his shoes to leave as well but John and JM got into it, and the fight began. Then John and JM's friends started fighting. Believe it or not, the two are still living together and I am sure still involved.
Fratman1906: That was going to be one of my questions, if they were together now.Libra03: Yep...they have a really nice place in Harlem but they have torn it up from all the fighting--holes in the walls and broken doors

To Be Continued As Libra03 tells of his own domestic violence...

Albuquerque Pride Logo Contest - Need Your Vote

2005-11-25T13:30:00.000-05:00

Fellow blogger, Kenneth Winfrey, has submitted his logo design for the Albuquerque Pride 2006 Logo Contest. Voting is open to every one. He needs your vote (you don't have to live in New Mexico to vote). Let's help him by voting. Click his design at the right to go to the voting page. Shem hotep.

The Failure of the Black Church

2005-11-24T03:45:00.000-05:00

by Rev. Renee McCoy
"The Church must seriously work to develop ways of ministering to Black Lesbians and Gays, or else it must stop preaching an all accepting, all liberating gospel and calling itself a church. The good news of the gospel is that God's love is for all people unconditionally. "

I couldn't agree more. In NC, the NC General Baptist Convention and the United Methodist Church took positions to deny affiliation to churches that accept openly gay members. They ignore the message of love preached by Jesus Christ in the New Testament and rely heavily on the Old Testament instead. As one minister so aptly points out, Christ never spoke on homosexuality.

Now, let's have conversation on this one. I am not trying to "expose homophobic ministers," but rather to have a true dialogue on the biblical interpretations that underly the homophobic rationale for exclusion and condemnation. Shem hotep.

Mini-Katrina

2005-11-23T12:00:00.000-05:00

I know that I need to finish the post about my weekend in NYC. I had a small disaster at my condo last week when the toilet tank cracked (stop laughing) and pumped water all day throughout my condo. The insurance company had everything removed and stored in a "Pack-Rat" in my parking lot. I have been living like an itinerant for several days with neighbors and friends. My DSL will be back up this weekend. Meanwhile, this dial-up is too slow for my blogging needs. Stay tuned. Happy Thanksgiving and shem hotep!

Beyond a "Wicked" Weekend

2005-11-20T10:50:00.000-05:00

We got a later start than planned on Saturday. That translated to trying to get into NYC to see the Broadway play, "Wicked," about 30 minutes after start time. Nonetheless, we settled into our seats and watched a very good performance. Go see it if you haven't already. It will definitely make you see the good/bad witches of Oz in a different light. Now anyone who knows me knows that I like to eat. So, we headed up to Harlem to hit Sylvia's Restaurant on Malcolm X Blvd. I recommend the smothered pork chops everytime. I can't seem to get around to trying anything else on the menu because I am so hooked on these tender, succulent chops that make you wanna suck the bone - (oops, is that a double entendre?).

Then it was on to Chi-Chiz to meet up with Maxim's new friend, Palmer. I really like the atmosphere and company of Chi-Chiz because I wasn't the oldest one there :-) And the easy interaction of young and old, hip hop and old school, was really refreshing.

From Chi-chiz, we head up to X El on W. 16th St. This is a very different mix compared to the Octagon. The interracial crowd is made up of straight and gay couples in an upscale atmosphere. There is a lot of dressing in black going on here. The music pumps but there is no room to dance. It is a good place to meet friends, have drinks and plan where to next.

After X L, I drop Maxim and Palmer at a crib in NJ and head back to my hotel. At 3:30 am, I am counting on getting a few hours sleep before heading back to NC. That was until I got this phone call in the parking lot and ...

A "Wicked" weekend in Oz! I need some rest.

2005-11-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

Finally, something to blog about. This past weekend. Whew. I figure from reading my fellow bloggers that life in the community can be pretty interesting in some areas of the country. Well, as many times as I have been to NYC, I have not had one quite as adventurous (for me) as this one. First, it was a holiday weekend because of Veterans Day (VD) which gave me an extra day to travel. I usually try to do something predictably enjoyable such as taking in a play. The lucky winner for me was "Wicked" on Broadway.

I first learned of this one through lunch with my fellow blogger No4real4real last summer (thanks and a great big hug on this one to you). Since Labor Day weekend was already taken up with 2005 Atlanta Black Pride, the earlier I could go was VD. Most times I do these alone or with family. This time, I invited Maxim who luckily had the same holiday off from his job. We hooked up Friday and hit the Big Apple on Friday night. I need to digress a moment to tell you that Maxim knows the NY-NJ area well and took me to a little greasy eatery in West Orange called "Jimmy Buff's" that turned out to have some of the best sausage and potatoes in pizza pocket bread that I have tried (pocket bread? Yeah, that's what I said - lol).

Ok, after a quick "ho-nap" at the hotel, we headed to Christopher St. around midnight. Our first stop was at this gay bar called "The Hangar" where we met up with Maxim's college roommate, Reader. Reader is a transplanted Brooklynite who is actually from my part of the Old North State. He will 'read' you and tell you quickly about what he sees in you even when, as Maxim points out, "it ain't pretty." We also wait for Maxim's new interest, Palmer, who will be joining us throughout the weekend. Palmer comes in with Jazzi.

From The Hangar, we all headed up to the Octagon Club on West 33rd St in Manhattan. If you are looking for 20s to 30s year old hot boys who know how to party, this is a spot for you. The music was non-stop hip-hop and the models/dancers were off the chain. Those boys knew how to work it and, in the words of James Earl Hardy, they were JOOD. Since this was my first time (hell yeah, I'm a late bloomer), I pretty much watched the scene. Next time, lawdy- lawdy, I intend to party! Shortly after 5 am, we call an intermission to our activities. Btw, the best time to travel through the Holland tunnel is 5:30 am. No traffic at all, no back ups. We were alone. And I thought NYC was the city that never sleeps. Ha.

Anyway, I gotta do some other things right now, so I will continue with a part 2 about Saturday night, Chi-Chiz and X L Bar & Lounge. Shem hotep!

America's High Tech "Invisible Man"

2005-11-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

By Tyrone D. Taborn

You may not have heard of Dr. Mark Dean. And you aren't alone. But almost everything in your life has been affected by his work. See, Dr. Mark Dean is a Ph.D. from Stanford University. He is in theNational Hall of Inventors. He has more than 30 patents pending. He is a vice president with IBM. Oh, yeah. And he is also the architect of the modern-day personal computer. Dr. Dean holds three of the original nine patents on the computer that all PCs are based upon. And, Dr. Mark Dean is an African American.So how is it that we can celebrate the 20th anniversary of the IBM personal computer without reading or hearing a single word about him? Given all of the pressure mass media are under about negative portrayals of African Americans on television and in print, you would think it would be a slam dunk to highlight someone like Dr. Dean.Somehow, though, we have managed to miss the shot. History is cruel when it comes to telling the stories of African Americans. Dr. Dean isn't the first Black inventor to be overlooked. Consider John Stanard, inventor of the refrigerator, George Sampson, creator of the clothes dryer, Alexander Miles and his elevator, Lewis Latimer and the electric lamp. All of these inventors share two things:One, they changed the landscape of our society; and, two, society relegated them to the footnotes of history. Hopefully, Dr. Mark Deanwon't go away as quietly as they did. He certainly shouldn't. Dr. Dean helped start a Digital Revolution that created people like Microsoft's Bill Gates and Dell Computer's Michael Dell. Millions of jobs in information technology can be traced back directly to Dr. Dean.More important, stories like Dr. Mark Dean's should serve as inspiration for African-American children. Already victims of the "Digital Divide" and failing school systems, young, Black kids might embrace technology with more enthusiasm if they knew someone like Dr. Dean already was leading the way.Although technically Dr. Dean can't be credited with creating thecomputer -- that is left to Alan Turing, a pioneering 20th-century English mathematician, widely considered to be the father of modern computer science -- Dr. Dean rightly deserves to take a bow for the machine we use today. The computer really wasn't practical for home or small business use until he came along, leading a team that developed theinterior architecture (ISA systems bus) that enables multiple devices, such as modems and printers, to be connected to personal computers.In other words, because of Dr. Dean, the PC became a part of our daily lives For most of us, changing the face of society would have been enough. But not for Dr. Dean. Still in his early forties, he has a lot of inventing left in him.He recently made history again by leading the design team responsible for creating the first 1-gigahertz processor chip. It's just another huge step in making computers faster and smaller. As the world congratulates itself for the new Digital Age brought on by the personal computer, we need to guarantee that the African-American story is part of the hoopla surrounding the most stunning technological advance the world has ever seen. We cannot afford to let Dr. Mark Dean become a footnote in history. He is well worth his own history book.

And The Beat Goes On.

2005-11-03T02:30:00.000-05:00

Ok. I know I haven't really blogged about anything exciting in a while, but that's the way life is for us baby boomers. Not a whole lot happens that is exciting in any way. So, for what little bit is going on, here are my recommendations:

1. If you haven't seen Tyler Perry's production (up close and in person), go see it if it is in your area. My ex and I went last week to see it and I laughed until my jaws hurt. This show was Medea Goes to Jail and it was one hilarious show. At times, even Perry gets to laughing at himself as Medea and has to catch his breath. On the serious side, Tyler is a gifted actor and a great humanitarian. He is donating $1 million to his hometown of New Orleans for Katrina relief.

2. This weekend I am going to see "Men Cry In the Dark" being performed at Raleigh Memorial Auditorium. I will blog about it after the show. Stay tuned.

3. Y'all know by now that I am an absolute fan of my frat, Rashid Darden. If you haven't read Lazarus, then what are you waiting on? You won' t be disappointed. Help a brother out, here. This is his first novel and there is more to come.

4. Then read Down For Whatever by Frederick Smith. I did, and I am glad I did. Not only that, I had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting Fred in ATL during Pride (I still have a high from Atlanta Pride and can't wait for next year). Fred is down to earth, and I am hoping to get my alma mater to sponsor him for a book reading/signing in the near future.

5. Coming up, Maxim and I are going to see "Wicked" in NYC during the Veterans Day weekend. No4real4real told me about this play during our meeting in CT this summer, and since I am a Broadway junkie, I began making plans to get back to NYC and see it. Now is the time.

6. Speaking of No4real4real, he has been having some difficulties of late. Stop by his blog and show some love. He is one cool dude who will not let stumbling blocks get in his way. As he says on occasion, "He stomps with the big dogs." Holla at him.

7. Another blogger whom I consider to be really sharp on many issues is Kenneth Winfrey. He is self-employed (so give him some business), but if you keep up with Keith Boykin's website, Kenneth is a frequent (and eloquent) poster. Agree or disagree, you cannot take away from the intellectual prowess of this brother. Just look for the long responses to identify his observations (I am sure he will respond to this comment - "wink"). He also posts on Keith's blog and has started several interesting threads.

Ok. This got longer than I intended, but this is the word for now. Shem hotep.

The Bridge Builder

2005-11-01T02:00:00.000-05:00

To those who are struggling or have struggled to articulate the cause of justice for L/G/B/T/Q men/women, I commend this poem (and especially to Keith Boykin - thanks for all that you do):

The Bridge Builder

An old man, going a lone highway,

Came at the evening, cold and gray,

To chasm, vast and deep and wide,

Through which was flowing a sullen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim;

The sullen stream had no fears for him;

But he turned when safe on the other side

And built a bridge to span the tide.
"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim near,

"You are wasting strength with building here;

Your journey will end with the ending day;

You never again must pass this way;

You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide --

Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"
The builder lifted his old gray head:

"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,

"There followeth after me today

A youth whose feet must pass this way.

This chasm that has been naught to me

To that fair-haired youth may a pit-fall be,

He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;

Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

by Will Allen Dromgoole

Rosa Parks (1913-2005)

2005-10-25T11:20:00.000-04:00

(Click on title to read more)

Romeo and Romeo Get Equal Treatment in Kansas

2005-10-23T02:00:00.000-04:00

(Kansas Justice Marla Luckert should be nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court instead of Harriet Miers, IMHO)

Kansas high court rejects harsher treatment of gay sex

TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) — Kansas cannot punish illegal underage sex more severely if it involves homosexual conduct, the state's highest court ruled unanimously Friday in a case watched by national groups on both sides of the gay rights debate.

The Supreme Court said in a unanimous ruling that a law that specified such harsher treatment and led to a 17-year prison sentence for an 18-year-old defendant "suggests animus toward teenagers who engage in homosexual sex."

"Moral disapproval of a group cannot be a legitimate state interest," said Justice Marla Luckert, writing for the high court.

The defendant, Matthew R. Limon, has been behind bars since he was convicted in 2000 of performing a sex act on a 14-year-old boy. Had one of them been a girl, the state's "Romeo and Juliet" law would have dictated a maximum sentence of 15 months.

The court said Limon should be resentenced within 30 days as if the law treated illegal gay sex and illegal straight sex the same, and it struck language from the law that resulted in the different treatment.

"We are very happy that Matthew will soon be getting out of prison. We are sorry there is no way to make up for the extra four years he spent in prison simply because he is gay," said Limon's attorney James Esseks, of the American Civil Liberties Union's Gay and Lesbian Rights Project.

National health groups and the National Association of Social workers had filed legal arguments supporting Limon's position. A conservative law group, Orlando-based Liberty Counsel, helped prepare written arguments from 25 legislators in support of the law.

Limon and the other boy, identified only as M.A.R., lived at a group home for the developmentally disabled. In court, an official described M.A.R. as mildly mentally retarded and Limon as functioning at a slightly higher level but not as an 18-year-old.

Limon's attorneys described the relationship with the younger boy as consensual and suggested that they were adolescents experimenting with sex.

Attorney General Phill Kline's office has described Limon as a predator, noting that he already has two similar offenses on his criminal record. Kline contended that such a behavior pattern warranted a tough sentence and that courts should leave sentencing policy to the Legislature.
His office had no immediate comment on the ruling.

Kansas law prohibits any sexual activity involving a person under 16, regardless of the context. The 1999 "Romeo and Juliet" law specifies short prison sentences or probation for sexual activity when an offender is under 19 and the age difference between participants is less than four years — but only for opposite-sex encounters.

A lower court had said the state could justify the harsher punishment as protecting children's traditional development, fighting disease or strengthening traditional values. Friday's ruline said the Kansas law was too broad to meet those goals.

"The statute inflicts immediate, continuing and real injuries that outrun and belie any legitimate justification that may be claimed for it," Luckert wrote.

The Speech That Didn't Happen (But Is Loud and Clear)

2005-10-17T02:20:00.000-04:00

(Keith Boykin was denied the promised opportunity to deliver the following speech at the Millions More March. I am reproducing it on this blog, as are other bloggers, so the contribution of the Same Gender Loving community is amplified and proclaimed. This is in no way intended to take away from Cleo Manago's speech, but rather to add to it.) Shem hotep

Remarks Prepared for Delivery at The Millions More March Saturday, October 15, 2005By Keith Boykin

Good Afternoon. Today I am honored to stand here at the Millions More Movement March as a representative of the National Black Justice Coalition, the country’s only national civil rights organization for Black lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgendered people. The National Black Justice Coalition strongly supports the goals of the Millions More Movement for unity and inclusion of our entire community.

In February of this year, Minister Farrakhan and I participated in Tavis Smiley’s annual “State of The Black Union” event in Atlanta. During a press conference that day, Minister Farrakhan announced that women and gays would be encouraged to participate in today’s March. “The makeup will be our people, whoever we are,” he said. Then he added, “Male, female, gay, straight, light, dark, rich, poor, ignorant, wise. We are family. We will be coming together to discuss family business.”

After the press conference, I spoke to the Minister and I introduced myself. “Minister Farrakhan,” I said, while shaking his hand, “My name is Keith Boykin, and I am a Black gay man. And I want to thank you for your inclusive comments about gays in the Million Man March.” Without missing a beat, Minister Farrakhan responded to me with a long, warm embrace. “Brother, I love you,” he said as we hugged. “We are all part of the family. We are all part of the same community.” That was an historic moment.

Ten years ago, I joined more than a million of my brothers on this very location for the Million Man March. At that time, there were no openly gay, lesbian or bisexual speakers at that March. This time, however, I am able to speak here today as an openly gay man because of the courageous leadership of one man – Minister Louis Farrakhan. I publicly and honestly thank him and salute him for the invitation to speak. The diversity of speakers assembled here today is a powerful signal that we in the Black community will not allow ourselves to be divided by differences of opinion, religion, gender, class or sexual orientation ever again.

As Minister Farrakhan himself said in August, “we must not allow painful utterances of the past or present, based on sincere belief, or based on our ignorance, or based on our ideology or philosophy to cripple a movement that deserves and needs all of us—and, when I say all, I mean all of us.”

Earlier this week, two of my colleagues and I sat with Minister Farrakhan, his wife, his daughter, and his son, and with Rev. Willie Wilson, the executive director of this March. Minister Farrakhan said it was the first time he had ever sat down with a group of openly gay and lesbian African Americans. Let me be honest. It was an intense, passionate and candid meeting where both sides shared their pain and frustration with the other. At the end of the discussion, however, we made progress. We realized that there are no “both sides” of the table. There is only one side, and that is the side of justice.

So today I accept the olive branch offered by Minister Farrakhan and Rev. Wilson and offer an olive branch of my own. We acknowledge the hurt and pain that has been caused by both sides in our past conflicts, and we fully commit ourselves to heal the deep wounds that have hurt us. Thank you, Minster Farrakhan and Rev. Wilson for the love.

We have disagreed in the past and we may disagree in the future, but we all agree that we must move forward together. We all agree that we will not allow ourselves to be manipulated by the media to create divisions among us. We all agree that we are stronger together than we are apart. And we all agree that the struggle for the liberation of our people is more important than our individual differences of opinion.

Fifty years ago, Ralph Ellison wrote, "I am an invisible man. . . I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. . . . When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination -- indeed, everything and anything except me." Ralph Ellison was talking about the invisibility of the African American, but the same could be said of Black gays and lesbians.

When Dr. King spoke at the 1963 Civil Rights March, he called on one person, Bayard Rustin, a Black gay man, to organize that march. When Duke Ellington performed “Take The ‘A’ Train,” he called on one person, Billy Strayhorn, a Black gay man to serve as his composer. And when Black actors and directors put on performances of “A Raisin In The Sun,” they call on one person, Lorraine Hansberry, a Black bisexual playwright, to serve as their muse.
Black culture as we know it today would not exist without the words of James Baldwin, the poetry of Audre Lorde, or the choreography of Alvin Ailey. That is why I am here today – to honor their legacy.

But I am also here to honor the living heroes and sheroes of today. My good friend Phill Wilson likes to say that our people cannot love us if they do not know us. So I want you to know who we are. I want you to know the activist Angela Davis, the Pulitzer Prize-winning Author Alice Walker, the Grammy-nominated recording artist Me'Shell Ndege'Ocello, Editor-at-Large and former executive editor for ESSENCE magazine Linda Villarosa, and the former Adviser to New York Mayor David Dinkins, Dr. Marjorie Hilll.

And I want you to know the living male heroes. Men like New York City Council Member Phillip Reed, Former Mayor of Cambridge Ken Reeves, Mayor of Palm Springs Ron Oden, Bestselling Author E. Lynn Harris, and Harvard University Chaplain Rev. Peter Gomes.
And finally, I want you to know that we are your brothers and sons and fathers. We are your sisters and daughters and mothers. And we are your cousins and nieces and nephews as well. We cannot separate ourselves from the larger Black family because we are an integral part of the Black family. We raise our families, we send money to our nephews, and yes we sing in the choir as well.

The issues that affect Black gays and lesbians are issues that affect all Black people. Last year I sat in the living room of a young mother who had lost her child to violence in Newark, New Jersey. Her 15-year-old daughter, Sakia Gunn, was murdered because the killer thought she was gay. When black homosexuals and bisexuals are murdered, black heterosexual family members still have to bury their kin. What happens to Black gays and lesbians directly affects black straight people as well.

HIV and AIDS is the leading cause of death for young Black people, gay or straight. Forty-five million Americans do not have health insurance, and too many of this group are Black, gay or straight. Unemployment is still too high among Black people, gay or straight. We are all connected.

When Black people were forced to sit in the back of the bus, Black gay people were forced to sit in the back of the bus. When Black people could not vote, Black lesbians could not vote. And when Black people are beaten and abused by the police, Black bisexuals are beaten and abused by the police.

We share the same goals and aspirations as the rest of the Black community, but none of us can accomplish those goals without unity and courage. We all need courage in our lives. It took courage for you to come here today. It took courage for Minister Farrakhan to invite me to speak today. And it will take courage to heal the wounds that have divided us for far too long.
In the timeless words of Audre Lorde, "When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision – then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." So I say to you today: Be strong, be proud, be courageous.

Without Coffee, watch out

2005-10-13T01:30:00.000-04:00

That day was one of those days that didn't get off to a good start. I got out of bed late, didn't have time to go to they gym before going to work, and worse yet, didn't get my first cup of coffee before having to talk to anyone. The last is particularly bad news for folks because I am not even trying to be civil without caffeine in my system. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! I NEED COFFEE!!

Anyway, one of my staff (LaShandra) and her supervisor were waiting at my office door. LaShandra is upset that I talked to one of HER clients without consulting her first. Keep in mind that LaShandra reports indirectly to me and I have responsibility for ALL of the clients. Plus, the need to talk to the client arose after LaShandra had taken her azz home early on Friday afternoon.

My good friend Rashid often quotes a portion of the movie "Kill Bill" in situations like this that perfectly describes what happened next. Here is Lucy Liu's lines:

O-Ren Ishii: As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, but always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've chosen is the wisest, tell me so. But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up ___________as a negative is: I collect your fucking head. Just like this fucker here. Now if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME! I didn't think so.

LaShandra stormed out of my office with tears and snot flying. I assumed she would go straight to my bosses office to complain about my cruel treatment which is just what she did. Well, guess what... the boss hadn't had his caffeine yet either. LaShandra got her head collected twice in 5 minutes time!

Black Men Need New Model of Masculinity

2005-10-10T13:40:00.000-04:00

A new model of black masculinity is needed, one that prizes "softer" virtues of nurturing and negotiation and renounces misogyny and homophobia, says Duke University professor Mark Anthony Neal in his new book, "New Black Man."
Neal, a self-described "hip-hop intellectual" and "male feminist," is a scholar of popular culture. "New Black Man" is his fourth sole-author book.
"It's really trying to redefine the contours specifically of black masculinity, but really more broadly of masculinity in general in this country," Neal said in an interview. "I think the issue that complicates it for black men is racism and race in general."

A paradigm of the "strong black man" began to develop in the last century as a counter to prevailing stereotypes of black men as irresponsible or dangerous. It has emphasized family provision and defense of children and women -- all good and necessary, Neal says.
"I think there is this kind of stereotype, that if black men aren't this model of strength and vitality and hardness, then their masculinity is suspect," Neal said.

But, as enunciated during the civil-rights movement by Eldridge Cleaver in his influential autobiography "Soul on Ice," it also can carry side effects of homophobia, evident in Cleaver's disparagement of gay black author James Baldwin.

"Homophobia is seen as an issue that most affects gay folks," Neal said. "If gay folks don't speak out about it, there's never a conversation when it occurs," he said. "I'd like to think that homophobia is another attack on black humanity," he said. (Read more....)

Standing in the Gap with MY Frat Brother, Rashid Darden

2005-10-07T03:30:00.000-04:00

This crap was emailed to my frat brother, Rashid Darden, who wrote about it on his web site. I am adding my two cents on this site as well. Here is what the asshole wrote to Rashid, and my comments to the writer follow:

"Let me start off by telling you, I'm glad you're a young positive brother doing your thing. Congrats and I wish you much success. My only concern is you using the image and the colors of Alpha Phi Alpha to market yourself. How are the two interconnected? There is already a stereotype of Alphas being gay, and obviously your work is perpetuating it. You didn't start it, I'm not postulating that you did, I just don't get why you don't use your talent and not have to "lean on the letters" to sell books. Is it marketing, do you think it brings you more fans, more controversy? I'm an Alpha, a raving, raging heterosexual and I'm sickened when people equate Alpha with gays. Our legacy is one of strong powerful black men, exceptional men, and we are being defamed. To each his own, I don't necessarily agree with homosexuality but, I don't think anybody can tell another person who they can or should love, but, this is ridiculous. Using the fraternity colors, using the colors in your pen name? Old gold and your novels are about homosexuals? This is out of pocket brother and I wonder if Tandy, Kelly, or any of the founders would approve of your violation of the crest. You can chuck this in your hate mail box, but, hate it is not. Be blessed brother and I hope you realize what you're doing."

First of all, Rashid is a talented, inspiring author who is going places with his writings without having to lean on Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., or any of his other affiliations. Instead, we need brothers like him to help lift our fraternity (and any other fraternity) out of the pit of ignorance and homophobia that is so truly disgusting. BROTHER Darden embodies our motto in everyway that was intended with the founding and history of OUR beloved fraternity. His "manly deeds" are exemplified in the daily role modeling that he does in his job; his "scholarship" is evidenced in his writings in undergraduate school, graduate school and his career (his knowledge of the history of black, greek fraternities shines in Lazarus - which you ought to read); and his love for "ALL mankind" is demonstrated by his involvement with greeks, with blacks, with gays, with undergrads, with bloggers, and even with fools like you whom he takes valuable time to write a response.

You dishonor the founders by attempting to divine their thoughts. Nevertheless, let's play your game for a moment. The founders were in an unfriendly environment that refused to acknowledge their existence in a fair and equitable way. Early 20th century colleges were exclusive rather than inclusive, homogeneous rather than diverse, and antagonistic to those who were different rather than nurturing. Given these conditions, the founders created an organization that supports rather than isolates, that includes people who differ from the majority rather than excludes them, that TRANSCENDS ALL!! The ideals of the founders have been distorted by your selfish, parochial, homophobic ideas of manhood imposed on not only A Phi A, but on other black greek fraternities that were founded to lift men up rather than to subjugate any of us. Yes, you would like for us to quietly stay in the closet, but guess what? It ain't happening anymore. Keith Boykin and Jasmyne Cannick wrote about black, homophobic preachers recently. Strong black, gay men and women will not be relegated to quiet invisible seats in America or in the black community. We are here, we have always been here, we helped build the black churches, banks, stores, neighborhoods, fraternities, sororities and schools. Get over it.

As you can tell from my blog name, I am Alpha and proudly so. I don't want anyone to make any mistake about the choice I made exactly 30 years ago. I was gay in 1975, I am gay in 2005, and I will be gay in 2025. I wear the Black and Gold when I want and where I want because I earned that right when "I crossed the burning sands." Now just who the hell gives you the right to criticize a brother who's bringing positive energy and LIGHT to your narrow, darkened view of greekdom. The fall season seems to be the favorite time of year for black, gay frat haters to emerge. Oddly, Rashid dealt with this same garbage last fall.

So let me sum this up for you. There are black, gay preachers, teachers, lawyers, doctors, nurses, Ques, Kappas, Sigmas, Iotas, bus drivers, rescue workers, fire fighters, hip hop artists, actors, salesmen, professors, cooks, housekeepers, professional football, basketball and tennis players, soldiers, newsmen, car salesmen, AUTHORS and thankfully MEN of the HOUSE OF ALPHA making significant contributions to this whack community. Now wake the hell up!

If you are going to question Rashid's logic, it should always be in a respectful manner (*wink* back, frat). My comment box is on. Bring it on. Shem hotep and '06!

NCPride Weekend in the Triangle

2005-09-27T20:55:00.000-04:00

There will be a final part IV entry on Domestic Violence soon. It is in production. Meanwhile, this past weekend was my first opportunity to see NC Pride in Durham, NC up close. Although there were several events planned, I watched the parade and hit the vendors on the east campus of Duke University. Perhaps I should have started with a lesser event like this first before moving on to Atlanta Pride. Atlanta set the bar extremely high and NCPride was a big disappointment.

So what can I say good about it? Well, I got a chance to watch the parade with Perkins (not Marlin but there are similarities) and his partner, Slim. Perkins and I have been exchanging emails and had the opportunity to meet for dinner last Thursday night (I might give up the tea later on that one). The interesting part of that was the conversation between them as to whether Slim would be wearing a dress to church on Sunday. Remember that I am still a newbie to these conversations even though I have seen guys in drag before but have never known anyone by name until Saturday.

Ok. Moving on, my boy Maxim (Domestic Violence Part I) was in town and after several calls we hooked up at Sirens Lounge that was also giving away free Mimosa drinks to parade watchers. When I walked up, he was with 3 other folks including a guy in full drag (ok, now I have talked to one planning his wardrobe and talked to another wearing his - in the same day). I'm cool with that. Like no4real4real, I'm "on my way." Maxim had to leave town for a few hours, but we talked about going to Legends Saturday night. For those of you who are not from the Triangle, Legends is one of the must do clubs. I decided not to go, though, since I still understand that there is that age difference between me and several of you clubbers - lol. As it turns out, Maxim didn't go either, so I am glad I decided to hang out with these really fabulously hot twins on Saturday night.

Sunday afternoon was a great time for Maxim and me to get together for a late afternoon lunch at Ruby Tuesdays (get the crabcakes if you go there) and to serve up several people we knew in common. We had such a good time together that since he needed a ride back to DC, I offered to take him halfway to meet Callis who took him the rest of the way home. By the way, I met Callis at Atlanta Pride. He is hot, from my part of NC, and we are in several of the same organizations.

We parted company about 10 pm, but I can honestly say that spending time with Maxim and seeing Callis again made for a great weekend for me. Was it good for you? hehehehe.
Shem hotep!

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships - The Words of a Victim (Part III)

2005-09-25T03:30:00.000-04:00

I have had some poignant responses to this entry. This one, I think, most clearly tells the story in the words of a victim. With his permission, I am posting it for you.

"I was the victim of violence in a past relationship. However, at first, I dismissed it all as "a fight between guys," not "some one-sided story you hear on Oprah." I think many gay men do this, and seem to accept these fights as almost routine. Is it because we are raised to believe that we only can't hit girls? I had moved to Philadelphia with my ex. We had known each other for only about a year. Our relationship progressed quickly as we had only known each other for a few months when we moved in together. We had a lot in common. We were also raised in the same neighborhood, so he wasn't a total stranger. We seemed to be drawn to the same higher spiritual truths and liked the same music. We shared clothes. Since we had the same prescription, we even shared glasses and contact lenses! (Hey, we were young...what can I say?) He traveled a lot for work. Since it was his job (that I found for him) that took us to Philly, I was pretty bored the first few months. I was looking for work and trying to make new friends. Soon, I found myself strangely attracted to a friendly clique of Puerto Rican fellas in South Philly. They spoke English but I barely understood a word they said in Spanish. They actually looked like my family to me, and they always made me feel at home. It was all plutonic, and I just felt safe with them. I didn't know it until then, but my ex didn't like Puerto Ricans. He could be prejudiced that way. He also couldn't believe that I wasn't cheating on him with one (or more) of these beautiful men. I later realized that he was bitter about an unrequited love affair with a PR man he knew. It also seemed obvious that he thought that I was more attractive than he, and assumed that everyone liked me as much as he did. He made an even more dangerous leap and assumed that I would respond in kind, objectifying me to the level of "boy toy" with no ability to discriminate with whom I keep company. He didn't trust them, or me. One evening, a day or so after my ex had returned from a long business trip, I told him that there was a party in S. Philly, that I was going, and that he was specifically invited. I felt that it was important to my maintaining friendships with them when he was away so much. He didn't want to go. He didn't want me to either. So, when I headed for the door, he hit me from behind with a large piece of metal that scratched me from the top of my head to the middle of my back. Still unemployed in a new city, and over-inundated with flowers and apologies, I actually stayed. Less than a year went by and he had taken yet another of many long trips. He had gotten impatient with my not working (even though I exhausted my savings to move us there.) So, I was working a full-time job during the day and teaching classes in the evenings. This time, I had several classes scheduled, and we weren't going to be able celebrate our reunion like we had. Yet, he wanted me to cancel starting a class that had been scheduled precariously around the schedules of very very busy people (...desperate for the material, and with money!). On the way out the door, again, this time he took my glasses and crushed them in his hands. I taught the class with no glasses and a broken heart. I knew what I had to do though. I slept on the stoop of a friend's house that night in February because she was inexplicably away that night. I couldn't drive, after all. He found me, and I went back with him to get my things. When he realized I was planning to leave, he put me through a plaster wall and fractured a rib. I stayed with my friend for several days, then found a room for rent (having put all my money in our household), and eventually found an apartment and went on with a very interesting life in Philly. I sat on a springy mattress in my room for rent and found myself face to face with my situation. As much as I had seen this on talk shows and in movies, I never thought it would happen to me. I also said the same thing many have said here. Statements like "...it'll be the last thing he ever does." etc., rolled off my lips for years before I met him. Yet, being in love, and feeling that what we had that was good and so special, I talked myself into giving it another chance. The movie "What's Love Got to Do With It?" comes to mind because I too was too busy empathizing with him to realize that there was plenty of abuse between those fights. Feeling restricted; having interference in relationships outside the intimate one; being treated like a prized possession, rather than a man; and being made to feel that I wasn't carrying my weight in our lives were all subtle forms of abuse (especially when it was so untrue). I might also add that he was smaller than me. He was also the one that everyone called "sister-girl." He was clearly the feminine half of our relationship. So, it was true for me as well that the least expected party became the perpetrator. I agree that there was a sort of Napoleonic complex within him because of his aggressive disposition at times. Over the years, the fact that he had the same zodiac sign of an adult abuser from my own childhood made me think. This person was female (too... ), but she always made me feel like she needed me. My ex had painted himself the victim as well. They both took advantage of my empathy, but it is no surprise that I would have entered an abusive relationship in my adulthood after having suffered one as a child. Gay people especially endure tons of abuse and frequently get caught in patterns of with these kinds of relationships. I found my way out before it got to be a lifetime of it all. Yet, many do not. Even I am not sure if I'll ever really overcome the betrayal of having the person with whom I made love fracture bones and draw blood. I am not sure if I'll ever allow myself to be that "vulnerable" again."

I cannot add to this story. The words of the victim says it all. Interestingly, this article on the same topic by Dr. Kevin Wang was published in Pridesource on September 22, 2005. Very timely.

Shem hotep!

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships (Part II)

2005-09-22T15:01:00.000-04:00

Abuse in relationships is any behavior or pattern of behavior used to coerce, dominate or isolate the other partner. It is the use of any form of power that is imposed by one partner over the other to maintain control within the relationship.

At 23 years old, Tandy’s life literally hung in the balance as he gazed fearfully in the eyes of his lover, his partner, and his benefactor who now held him suspended 71 stories above the ground. Only moments earlier, he had been sleeping next to this man who had alternately shown him love and passion mixed with jealousy and insecurity. How had he come to this frightening state of affairs? He was a recent college graduate from Historic University who had come out during his college years to a few friends. Along the way, he met Professional, a highly successful entrepreneur who offered him a glittering world of cars, access to money, a great apartment but most of all a committed relationship. In retrospect, Tandy realized there were early signs of trouble when Professional told him he would never hurt him physically, that it would be mentally if it came to that.

More signs of trouble began to appear in the relationship. Tandy’s whereabouts had to be explained, meals had to be prepared just right, and then the physical abuse followed. Since Tandy was not out to his family and was several thousand miles away from his home, he was left to the mercy of his on again/off again partner. Professional became more controlling and even used the fact that Tandy was not out to his family as a means of threatening and controlling him (the mental abuse). Professional would roll out the phone number and address of Tandy’s family to show that he had the power to expose him and hopefully ruin his family ties and further isolating him. Not only that, he threatened to reveal the details of their sexual relationship in a fashion that would surely destroy Tandy’s parent’s image of their son.

Meanwhile, Tandy continued to try to make the relationship work. His own personality was submerged under the torment of his abuser. Life alternated between passion and violence. Beatings and lovemaking, sexual domination and being thrown out of the apartment turned into Tandy’s full-blown nightmare. Tandy was forced from the apartment on occasion and all of his possession thrown out into the hallway by Professional. Then Professional would retrieve them, fold them as though nothing had occurred and look to Tandy for forgiveness and forgetfulness. A carefully prepared meal to show his love for Professional was thrown in the floor and would lead to a beat down.

But nothing compares to knowing that you are literally at the point of death because of the person you love so deeply. With his feet dangling in mid-air, Tandy was held over the balcony of the apartment they shared by Professional whose abusive nature had now reached a peak. What better way to exert control than to show that Tandy’s very life was in his hands? Tandy was experiencing the ultimate humiliating experience, while Professional was exercising the ultimate display of power over his victim. They reconciled that night only to have the physical abuse continue with Professional violently kicking Tandy while cornered in a closet (yes, just like Maxim in Part I).

Tandy became one of the lucky ones. Realizing the destructive relationship that he had with Professional, he decided to escape. In the middle of the night, Tandy put all of his possessions in his SUV and drove across country, back to his parent’s home. The phone calls from Professional have stopped coming now. Tandy is one of the most mature friends that the Fratman1906 has met. His eyes still moisten as he tells his story, and his life is changed forever. But he is stronger, and he is one of the lucky ones because he is alive to tell his story. Not only that, he uses his real life experiences to guide his younger brothers in "the life" in hopes they will not have to endure the same experiences as he. Moreover, he is in a loving, affirming relationship with Dr.P.

I had planned two entries on this topic, Maxim’s story and Tandy’s story. But wait; what happens when you must accompany your friend to the emergency room after a violent abuser has victimized him. Part III will tell the story from Friend. If you have a story, comment on it here or take the poll and talk about it on Keith Boykin's board. Pay close attention to the entry by KennethWinfrey on September 21. Want to know more on this topic? Just click the title of this entry. If you are a victim or a perpetrator, seek help.

Shem hotep!

Domestic Abuse and Violence in Gay Relationships (Part I)

2005-09-14T01:30:00.000-04:00

I will admit up front that having spent much of my life engaged in taking care of assorted family members, that I have not been totally aware of many of the issues affecting my gay brothers and sisters. In many ways, the last several months have been eye opening for me as I have read novels by black,gay authors, met gay bloggers, fraternity brothers, and alums, dialogued with others in “the life,” and attended my first Pride in Hotlanta (I am still on cloud nine after the best Labor Day experience ever). One of the first novels that I read was “Passion Marks” by Lee Hayes. This was an emotionally difficult novel for me to read because I have such strong feelings about victims in our society, and the idea of domestic abuse and violence within gay relationships was cultural shock to me. The stories in the paper are more along the lines of gay victims of heterosexual attacks, but I can’t recall many articles about gay domestic abuse, especially those leading to death. Well, I finally made it through “Passion Marks” but with a sense of sadness and bewilderment that anyone could allow himself (or herself) to suffer physical abuse over a period time and not just simply walk out the door. To further cope with this novel, I reminded myself that this was fiction and did not want to think beyond that comfortable conclusion that allowed me to move forward.

Well, fate has a way of preparing you for things to come. I recently had dinner with a new friend, Maxim, who in passing conversation mentioned a relationship that he ended after being hit by his partner. I was stunned. In less than 30 days, I had gone from reading about gay domestic abuse to sitting across the table from a real live person who experienced it. Although, I let the moment pass, I called him later and asked if we could follow up on his remark and he agreed. (I tell his story with his permission). I will only summarize that conversation here. His partner, BigGuy, grew jealous of Maxim’s relationship to other people. As a kind-hearted person, Maxim does little things to help make his friends’ lives easier and has many friends.. As a result, he is well liked by a number of people. BigGuy, however, was a suspicious and jealous partner. On one occasion, BigGuy found the phone number of one of Maxim’s acquaintances in his wallet. They argued, Maxim was asked to remove his things from Big uy’s space. It didn’t matter that BigGuy was the only man in Maxim’s life and that he loved him. Jealousy, poor self-esteem and the need to confine and control Maxim created a highly volatile situation. Then when Maxim went to the house to remove his things, BigGuy backed him into a closet, blocking his escape and then hit and kicked him. After the assault stopped, BigGuy kept him in the closet for more than 30 minutes afraid to let him go. Then came the usual ploy of abusers who try to make the victim believe that they were pushed to that point by the victims actions but it won’t happen again. It is the well-known cop out of physical abusers like BigGuy that it is somehow the victims fault, and that the physical violence shows how deeply he loved Maxim. Fortunately, Maxim got out of this situation and relationship but the damage is done. Some folks are not as lucky.

I am sure that some of you have stories as bad or worse than this. Like I said earlier, this is eye popping to me. If you click on the title of this article, it will take you to a web site with reading on Domestic Violence in Gay Couples. I am also starting a "Domestic Violence in Gay Relationships" poll on Keith Boykins’ bulletin board on this topic. If you are or have been a victim or seen abuse in gay relationships, let’s blog about it. It should not be swept under the rug. If you are a victim or abuser, let’s talk about it.

Maxim introduced me to Tandy who has an even more horrific story. With his permission I will tell you how he was the victim of continuous abuse and was nearly killed in the process. To be continued in Part II. Shem hotep!

There’s no one I entirely trust,

there’s nowhere to go

It’s as if I’m trapped in some crazy freak show.

I no longer care to decipher what this is about

All I want is a license to Get The Hell Out.

--Excerpt from "Faceless People"

Ngo

2005-09-13T01:35:00.000-04:00

If you didn't get to Atlanta Pride, all I can say is lawdy, lawdy. This sizzling, hot brother was personally autographing his calendar for a donation. I gladly donated and you can believe I will always know what day it is. Ngo was one of several "attractions" in the Marketplace and believe me, it was worth the shopping!! He also strolled the aisle for the fashion show. Check out malik m.l. williams entry on BrothaLove RantSpace (last photos). Shem hotep!

Darrell's Blog

2005-09-09T02:00:00.000-04:00

Rather than cut/paste Darrell Diggins' predicament as a result of Hurricane Katrina, I encourage you to read it on his blog. Shem hotep!

Atlanta Black Pride 2005 (II)

2005-09-06T03:01:00.000-04:00

The "Flava" men were the hottest items in the Marketplace. Not only did they take those shirts off (it was hot in the room - lol), but they autographed your copy of FlavaMen Magazine for you.

Of course Baby Boy was the hottest Flava man on the table. Yours truly got the signature and will not be selling it on Ebay (at least not right away).

If you haven't read "Down For Whatever" by Frederick Smith, then what are you waiting for. This novel is a must read for Blacks, Latinos, GLBTs, and anyone else who is in tune with our evolving relationships. The Fratman was getting his copy autographed.

When two authors get together, great things can happen. Frederick Smith, author of "Down For Whatever," helps fellow author Rashid Darden, author of Lazarus, in the Marketplace.

Rashid Darden delivers an excerpt from Lazarus at the Literary Cafe

The kick off opening ceremony really got people on their feet and kicking up.

Brent Dorian Carpenter, author of the "21st Century Chronicles of Thugg the Barbarian King," and Frederick Smith take a few moments for a photo op for the Fratman.

Our lesbian sistas were right in there with inspiring works in the Literary Cafe.

The authors in the Literary Cafe do the group photo for fans. There was a lot of talent concentrated in the group. Look for great sequels in LGBT literature that make a significant contribution to understanding LGBT lives, loves, tragedies, and triumphs.

Atlanta Black Pride 2005

2005-09-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

I am in Atlanta and having a blast. Will blog about it when I get home. Here's a little "Flava" of what's to come. Shem hotep from Hotlanta!

Same Sex Marriage Rallies in Madrid

2005-09-01T01:45:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I met Alum for dinner. We have exchanged emails recently, but since he was back in the area of the University, this gave us an opportunity to have a face to face meeting. He is truly a cool young man and it is at his urging that I write this entry. I should have done it some time ago actually, but it is never too late. During the course course of conversation, broiled tilapia and reminescences about our experiences at University, I indicated that I was in Spain during the rallies for and against same sex marriage this summer (the Spanish Parliament passed the law permitted the marriages). This led to his idea that I should write about it on this blog. Alum also made a comment that will be the subject of another blog. Great minds really stimulate and play off of each other. There were two rallies in Madrid in June on the same day, one supporting same sex marriages and the other opposing them. As I googled to find articles to add to this blog about them, I am totally amazed at the volume of articles about the rally opposing same sex marriages and the lack of articles about the much bigger rally to support same sex marriages. Did all of the reporters go only where the Church wanted them to go and report? I took the subway from central Madrid to Plaza de Castilla where the pro-rally was taking place. The crush of folks on the subway was awesome but nothing compared to the jam packed bodies that spilled over in the Plaza and the surrounding neighborhoods blocking road traffic on major arteries and creating a far bigger mass of people than what one would see say in Times Square at New Years' eve. I mean the wall of people made it nearly impossible to move in any direction and estimates of more than a million people festooned in rainbow colored outfits, body paints, and banners understates the enormity of it all. Believe me when I tell you, there were chests and breasts, bikinis and weenies to satisfy anyone's craving and the crush of the mob brought it all up close and personal (whew it is hot in here). I won't go into details about the eye candy, but there was one whom I connected with (and he with me) that I could write poetry about. Anyway, just take my word for it, it was the kind of European experience that I am definitely going back to uh explore.

Contrast that rally with the much smaller anti- same sex rally in the area known as Sol near my hotel. I had to walk through part of this rally when I came back on the subway. I had no problem passing through the crowd. Their estimates of one million are usually downsized by the media to anywhere from 150,000 to 600,000. I think that includes inflatables. Yet, the news coverage and internet sites give this rally almost unlimited coverage and makes it appear that it was the only thing happening in Madrid before the enactment of the same sex law. Now come on people work with me here. If the greatest sentiment was anti same sex marriage, do you think the politicians even Spanish ones would have enacted this law? No, it looks like the people's voice carried the day in the Parliament even though the minority view has monopolized the media reports and created one-sided reporting. Now, that couldn't happen in America, could it? So, as your on-the-spot reporter (though decidedly late), let me report that the supporters of same sex marriage in Spain demonstrated a tremendous show of public support for enactment of legislation crucial to their pursuit of happiness, and that Fratman1906 was on the scene. Shem hotep! (Photos by yours truly).

Down For Whatever by Frederick Smith

2005-08-29T03:25:00.000-04:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of reading the debut novel of Frederick Smith titled "Down For Whatever." I have had it since it became available and actually received it in late June from the bookseller. But that's not my point today. I can tell you unequivocably that if you have not read Down for Whatever then what are you waiting for? A personal invitation from Frederick Smith? (Well you can get that from him at the Outwrite Bookstore in ATL during Labor Day Weekend Pride).

Momentarily, let's set aside the gay theme that will inevitably form the plot of a novel in gay literature. That's a given, and we'll come back to that. In order to have a book that stands out from the rest, you got to have a hook. E. Lynn Harris did it by showing a non-effeminate gay character (my perception of Winston) evolving and discovering his true nature while in the very traditional worlds of Law School (Invisible Life) and corporatedom (Just As I Am). Now, there's the hook. His characters were not seedy characters sliding around in back alleys engaging in meaningless sexual encounters. They were college educated, professional, and engaging. That was a new hook.

Rashid Darden gave Adrian a hook in Lazarus by setting his character on a predominately white college campus, making him a campus activist, and having him pledge a well known symbol of black manhood - the sacrosanct black fraternity (clutch the pearls, what next? The pulpit? lol).

Now Frederick Smith sets his seminal work along a theme that sociologists and demographers are already pointing out to the discomfort of majority White America, that is the new emerging minority/majority is brown/black. So what happens when black and brown characters begin to explore their commonalities. Just what you will find in Down For Whatever. That racial stereotypes can be vastly different from the reality that comes from association and interaction. Frederick takes two Black single gay males and two Latino sgm, mix them together along with their friends, companions, families and significant others and produces a storyline that everyone ought to read as a blueprint for the present and future of black/brown relationships. Inevitably, his characters grow into a deeper understanding of each other just as Americans of all races and ethnicities must continue to understand each other and grow into respecting culture and sexuality.

Then finally, add back into the mix the ups and downs of living the gay life as a professional, as an individual who is one step away from homelessness, or as one who is on the "down low" whatever that may mean (sorry Keith). Frederick Smith helps each of his readers to see a little of themselves in each character as they progress toward finding a more fulfilling self-identity. Down For Whatever may at times seem like a Reality Show in print, but then again, the everyday, mundane lives of many of us are in fact Reality Shows, aren't they? Buy it, read it. Shem hotep!

BTW, I took this novel with me to the gym on 2 nights and both times exceeded my usual running and biking distance because the novel is so compelling. Thanks Frederick for making my body healthier with DFW ;-)

Reflections from the Sauna

2005-08-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

There is nothing like a little heat in a sauna to clear the mind and help you to focus. Last week, I was dripping like an athlete (my family knowing how un-athletic I am would laugh at that) in the sauna at the gym and pondering how/why I came to writing a blog, reading gay literature, emailing guys in the life and anticipating going to my first Pride event. Here is what I learned about myself. My life has always revolved around family. In the last 2 years, I have lost 2 people who were close to me -MyOtherMom and Myson2. MyOtherMom was taken by cancer this year, and Myson2 by AIDS in 2003. Now these were two of the closest people to me in the world. MyOtherMom treated me like her own son, anticipated my needs, catered to me, spoiled me, you name it. She never asked why I didn't remarry, but I'm sure in her heart she knew but didn't judge, criticize or reject me. She was my rock after Momma died (also of cancer) and helped ease the pain of losing someone so close. But now, there is a big void. I find myself having to fill that void and I am doing so through new friends in a life that I should have been a part of years ago, but did not. This is not going to be a long entry. I will say to my new friends whom I have met through this blog - thanks for your emails, your IM's, your conversations, etc. Forgive me if I make mistakes as I am just learning the rules. I'll see you around.

Then They Came for Me

2005-08-25T12:45:00.000-04:00

This entry should be read in conjunction with the announcement that follows from the National Black Justice Coalition. I hope it will set the tone for why you should come and participate.

Then They Came for Me
by
Stephen F. Rohde, Esq.

First they came for the Muslims, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Muslim.

Then they came to detain immigrants indefinitely solely upon the certification of the Attorney General, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't an immigrant.

Then they came to eavesdrop on suspects consulting with their attorneys, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a suspect.

Then they came to prosecute non-citizens before secret military commissions, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a non-citizen.

Then they came to enter homes and offices for unannounced "sneak and peek" searches, and I didn't speak up because I had nothing to hide.

Then they came to reinstate Cointelpro and resume the infiltration and surveillance of domestic religious and political groups, and I didn't speak up because I had stopped participating in any groups.

Then they came for anyone who objected to government policy because it aided the terrorists and gave ammunition to America's enemies, and I didn't speak up because...... I didn't speak up.

Then they came for me....... and by that time no one was left to speak up.

A Public Service Announcement - National Black Justice Coalition Summit

2005-08-25T12:35:00.000-04:00

This is not another Pride celebration, but is instead an event that you can take pride in and become involved in a substantive grassroots movement to insure the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered brothers and sisters. (See agenda) And in case you don't know, Keith Boykin is President of the Board. Given the current atmosphere of homophobia and religious conservatism in the black community, don't wait until they come for you. Be involved! Shem hotep!

Tying The Wisdom Knot:
Black lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil Rights Group Discusses State of the Nation Washington, DC 2005

On September 21-23, 2005 the National Black Justice Coalition will host its first Black Leaders Summit. The title of the Summit is "Tying the Widsom Knot: Bringing Together Our Leaders to Strategize for the Future."

The Summit will begin with a Welcome Reception on Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 6:00 pm and is hosted by Service Employees International Union.

The following two-days of workshops and plenary sessions will focus on a range of policy issues of significance to Black SGL/LGBT communities including strategies to combat homophobia and HIV/AIDS, the upcoming marriage battles and how to win fairness for same-sex families. Additional topics include the reauthorization of the Voting Rights Act and sessions on how to build local voter registration and get-out-the vote campaigns. The plenary sessions include: roundtable discussion and open dialogue with the chief executives of the nation’s leading LGBT organizations; a panel of top African American political strategists to discuss the politics and LGBT civil rights and marriage; and a Prayer Breakfast with important progressive religious activists and ministers to discuss homosexuality and the church . The Summit will end with a gala awards dinner with a special appearance by the NBJC Ensemble Gospel Choir and Broadway veteran and recording artist Billy Porter.

Confirmed speakers include elected officials from Palm Springs, California, the District of Columbia, Massachusetts and Wisconsin. Organizational leaders representing NAACP, SEIU, Black AIDS Institute, HRC, Freedom to Marry, GLAAD, Victory Fund, PFLAG, Equality Maryland, Equality Florida, Showtime, Viacomm and many others will also participate as both panelists and attendees.

“Black America stands at an important cross roads,” said NBJC Executive Director and CEO, H. Alexander Robinson. “...voices of bigotry are on the rise and all too often they are disguised as saviors of the Black family. Our families, Black same gender loving families, are being caught in the middle. This Summit is about breaking the silence and finding our collective national voice.”
"The Leaders Summit is an excellent opportunity for NBJC to gather some of the best and brightest minds in the lgbt community. We want to establish an open dialogue between LGBT organizations, elected officials and our African American brothers and sisters." We expect this event to be very beneficial as we develop our strategic goals for the upcoming months, said Ray Daniels, NBJC Communications Director."

The Summit is free, but requires pre-registration for all participants. For more information visit http://www.nbjcoalition.org/ or call 202-349-3755.

Hotel Reservations may be made by calling the Washington Court Hotel directly at 800-321-3010.

Visit the web address below to tell your friends about this. Tell-a-friend!
If you received this message from a friend, you can sign up for National Black Justice Coalition.

B'day weekend in NYC

2005-08-23T00:50:00.000-04:00

It was a weekend for me to celebrate my birthday. I am rapidly becoming a creature of custom by spending my birthday weekend in NYC. There is something about "Gotham City" that seems to irresistably draw me like a candlefly to a flame. I did the usual play (off-broadway this year), dinner (Sylvia's in Harlem), and this year I added in several visits to Greenwich Village and other sites of interest. Met some interesting folks, renewed some old family relationships and got my feet wet in the Atlantic Ocean at Jacob RIIS Beach. Since I am flying solo these days, I was in a hurry to see, taste and experience NYC in about 36 hours including sleeping time. This trip was much like appetizers ( a little taste of this, a little taste of that). Next time I will focus on quality and not quantity.

First, Saturday night was my opportunity to head up to the House of Latex at the Roseland Ballroom and check out the scenery for the 2005 Latex Ball. Thanks for the tip Frank. Since the crowd was considerably younger than the birthday boy, I chose not to cross the street and get my feelings hurt. Good eye candy though. Ah, the younger days!

The play was "Joy" at the Actors' Playhouse in the west village. I probably would have chosen a different play and venue except I was curious about Ben Curtis (the Dell Dude) appearing in a gay performance. Okay, okay. He appeared to really get into the role of being the dumb gay lover of the professor. Other than that, it was so-so. Try to find bargain tickets if you go. The more interesting part of the theater visit was the computer assigned the only 2 black males in the theater to adjoining seats. He was tall, chocolate with a throaty bass voice that really got my interest during the first act. But any potential was lost during act 2. During intermission, he went outside and must have smoked a pack of Marlboros. Also, the throaty bass voice turned into a bass countrified laugh in Act 2 that was definitely a turn off. By the time he got around to rubbing his leg against mine, I just wanted him to move - Ewww! Anyway, Sunday evening at Sylvia's Restaurant in Harlem. This is not my first time, but I have never experience the long wait line mentioned in several restaurant reviews, and the soul food cooking reminds me of Mama's table. The fried catfish, collards and pickled beets (shut up, I love 'em) washed down with Mimosa was definitely the high point of the trip. And hey, it wasn't as exciting as Keith's birthday bash, but you slow down as you get older ;-). Why, if I was 40 again ..... Happy Birthday Keith .

So, what was the best part of the weekend? Well, on the way home I got a call from Cuz whom I had not heard from in a minute. He is the one family member that I count on the most. In fact, he and I will be turning out ATL at the Labor Day Black Gay Pride. Are you going to be there? You'll find me taking a turn at the table with Rashid Darden in the Black Pride Marketplace. And if you haven't read his novel, Lazarus, BUY THE BOOK! Shem hotep!!

Coretta Scott King said to suffer stroke!

2005-08-19T20:35:00.000-04:00

ATLANTA (AP) - Coretta Scott King is mostly paralyzed on the right side of her body and faces a long, difficult recovery from a stroke, but she managed to say a few words Friday, her doctor said.
Dr. Maggie Mermin, King's personal physician, said that the 78-year-old widow of Martin Luther King Jr. is unable to walk and has been mostly unable to speak since the stroke Tuesday in the left side of her brain, which controls speech functions. read more>>>

Today Is My Birthday and ...

2005-08-17T03:01:00.000-04:00

During my 53 years…

Eleven Presidents have occupied the White House
The U. S. Supreme Court outlawed segregation in public schools
My Momma and I were put off a train and forced to walk in the dark back to the train station during segregation of public transportation
I drank from water fountains marked “Colored” and bought food out of the back kitchen door of White-owned restaurants
President John F. Kennedy was assassinated
2 men molested me when I was eleven
Malcolm X was assassinated
A war raged in Vietnam
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I have a Dream” speech
Sen. Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated
The NC National Guard peppered Scott Hall with bullets during student unrest at NC A & T State University in Greensboro, NC
Rioting began between patrons and police at Stonewall Inn in NYC
I survived a lot of nasty tasting home remedies for colds, and anything else that ails ya
I was the first Black student from my hometown (and all Black high school) admitted to Duke University (it was a big deal back then)
I was first in my family to join a Black Fraternity
I was the first in my family to get a graduate degree
I have owned 17 cars and 2 motorcycles
Ken Reeves, the first openly gay African American City Council member, was elected mayor of Cambridge by his fellow City Councilors.
I began a weblog that discusses many issues including gay issues but mainly to begin a journey
I lost someone very close to me to AIDS
I have worked enough years that I can retire at any time from my job
I lost 62 lbs. in the last year through diet and exercise (and Hell no, I ain’t sick)
I have met many good bloggers online and/or in person – yo Rashid, no4real4real, jerzeefinest, chosen brotha, Torrid Wind, Keith Boykin, Tim’m West, and all the other great ones!

So since I was born 8/17/1952, that makes me…
35 years 9 months younger than Walter Cronkite, age 88
31 years 1 month younger than Nancy Reagan, age 84
28 years 2 months younger than George Herbert Bush, age 81
20 years 11 months younger than Barbara Walters, age 73
18 years 9 months younger than Larry King, age 71
12 years 6 months younger than Ted Koppel, age 65
9 years 1 month younger than Geraldo Rivera, age 6
26 years 1 month younger than George W. Bush, age 59
1 year 1 month younger than Jesse Ventura, age 54
3 years 2 months older than Bill Gates, age 49
8 years 0 months older than Cal Ripken Jr., age 44
13 years 10 months older than Mike Tyson, age 39
17 years 11 months older than Jennifer Lopez, age 35
23 years 4 months older than Tiger Woods, age 29
29 years 10 months older than Prince William, age 23

and I was:
49 years old at the time of the 9-11 attack on America
47 years old on the first day of Y2K
45 years old when Princess Diana was killed in a car crash
42 years old at the time of Oklahoma City bombing
41 years old when O. J. Simpson was charged with murder
40 years old at the time of the 93 bombing of the World Trade Center
38 years old when Operation Desert Storm began
37 years old during the fall of the Berlin Wall
33 years old when the space shuttle Challenger exploded
31 years old when Apple introduced the Macintosh
30 years old during Sally Ride's travel in space2
8 years old when Pres. Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
27 years old at the time the Iran hostage crisis began2
3 years old on the U.S.'s bicentennial Fourth of July
21 years old when President Nixon left office
19 years old when Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot
16 years old at the time the first man stepped on the moon
15 years old when Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated
12 years old during the Watts riot
11 years old at the time President Kennedy was assassinated
7 years old when Hawaii was admitted as 50th of the United States
5 years old when the Soviet satellite Sputnik 1 was launched
not yet 1 year old at the end of the Korean War

I am humbly grateful to all of you who read this blog and who take time to offer your take on my evolutionary journey. Shem hotep!

The Conversation Continues - "Who Do You Love?"

2005-08-16T19:20:00.000-04:00

My fellow blogger and friend (whom I admire greatly), no4real4real, posted an entry today that deserves continued discussion. I posted a comment but didn't want to take up all of his space since I do have this blog available, too. As you read his entry for August 16th titled "Who Do You Love?", no4real4real makes some really good points about self-acceptance and how it affects relationships with people around you. Since I don't have the poetic talents of no4real4real or Rashid Darden or Tim'm West, I have to rely on poetry created by others to illustrate my points (or find personal, spiritual guidance). There are two that I offer you that seem to have something for all occasions (like those boxes of cards my Momma used to buy), and here they are:

[IF] -- Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

This is the essence of self assurance wherein a balance is struck between you and the world around you. Then, you can walk into clubs and not be lonely, or worship in any church and not be disillusioned, or sit in the midst of homophobes and not feel threatened nor denigrated. I commend this poem to you. (Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll blog about it). Shem hotep!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

2005-08-11T04:15:00.000-04:00

These often quoted words only moderately describe the furious reaction of Terry McMillan to the revelation by her soon to be ex-husband, Jonathan Plummer. According to filings by Jonathan, Terry appears to have been "waiting to exhale" and is now a real fire breathing dragon.
If there is truly such a phenomena as the "Down Low," then here is a reason why bi-sexual males may be reluctant to discuss their sexual preference/orientation with their spouse/significant other. Jonathan's divorce declarations present some highly caustic accusations by Terry and may not be suitable for audiences under 50. So if you're thinking about coming out to your wife, significant other, girlfriend, etc., be sure you can either stomp with the big dogs or stay on the porch!

Those crazy inventions - Patent # 5,472,399

2005-08-10T12:45:00.000-04:00

I think a picture is worth a thousand words, so I won't comment further on this marvelous invention, the APPARATUS FOR EXERCISING THE PENIS, that was patented by the U. S. Patent Office:

John H. Johnson, Publisher of Ebony/Jet Magazines, passes

2005-08-09T12:45:00.000-04:00

John H. Johnson, 1918-2005, who brought the news to African-American households for more than 50 years as publisher of Ebony and Jet magazines has died at the age of 87. Born the grandson of slaves, he rose to international prominence with his publications, cosmetic lines, and fashion shows. Mr. Johnson's magazines were household 'must have' items for many of us who grew up in the 1950's and beyond. From the most eligible bachelors/bachelorettes to the most powerful black leaders of our times, Mr. Johnson gave us up close and personal access that helped to inform us and shape our views. He will be sadly missed by all Americans. Thank you John H. Johnson for a job well done. Rest in peace. Shem hotep!

Don't Ask; Don't Tell

2005-08-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

This entry is inspired by Chosen Brotha's post on August 5th. Simple yet moving, it reminds us of the fragility of life, the effects of ill-advised national policies, and the tragic loss of lives including soldiers who work and fight to defend our countries even while living under the cloud of "don't ask, don't tell." As a former Army Reservist, Drill Sergeant and Infantry Officer, I still ache to see the loss of life in Iraq and other armed conflicts around the world. I have decided to share with you my perspective that was sent to Chosen Brotha on yesterday. "If you are near Andrews AFB, then you must really feel the tragedy of so manyAmericans returning home in coffins. Your photo was particularly poignant for me as I was an Army Reserve Drill Sgt. and Infantry Officer for 10 years. I saw poor training that would lead to mistakes and loss of lives. I have been out altogether now for 14 years, but I sometimes wonder if the training has improved. One of the problems was the training of soldiers took place in peacetime with no imminent threat of war. Thus, the soldiers and commanders did not do life or death training. I regret to say that the"touchy-feely" politically correct training going on(at least in 1991) when I left created vulnerable soldiers. Given the trend, I doubt if training has gotten better. " I am on my way to church now. I will offer a special prayer for all of those who continue to serve our country whether they are male or female, black or white or asian-american or hispanic american, or straight or gay. Shem hotep!

Speech by Keith Boykin

2005-08-05T21:00:00.000-04:00

I am always fascinated by the remarks and thoughts of our brother, Keith Boykin. On August 4th, Keith delivered remarks to at the 2005 Black Gay Research Summit. In lieu of a blog or rant today, I commend to you his speech. Click the title of this post to read the excerpt. Practice safe sex this weekend and everyday. Shem hotep!

I.C.E. - A Public Service Announcement

2005-08-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

Ok. From time to time, I may use this space to pass along some helpful tips. Here is one that I received this week that could save some lives. This is an easy, excellent and worthwhile safety tip that could save valuable time in an unfortunate situation. Please let's do this and spread
the word! Thanks!

Paramedics will turn to a victim's cell phone for clues to that person's identity. You can make their job much easier with a simple idea that they are trying to get everyone to adopt: I.C.E.
I.C.E. stands for In Case of Emergency. If you add an entry in the contacts list in your cell phone under I.C.E., with the name and phone no. of the person that the emergency services should call on your behalf, you can save them a lot of time and have your loved ones contacted quickly. It only takes a few moments of your time to do. Paramedics know what I.C.E. means and they look for it immediately. I.C.E. your cell phone NOW! Please pass this one along. It probably is a good idea to do this for your home phone as well.

Click the title of this blog entry for more information.

Shem hotep!

This morning at the gym

2005-08-02T13:40:00.000-04:00

There are 2 dudes, LooksandBody and GoodVibes, that I have been checking out at the gym every morning. Both have great bodies but one has the looks to go with the bod while the other is whatever. Anyway LooksandBody has started bringing LittleDude with him and they pay no one else any attention. That's cool because he is still good eye candy and helps increase my metabolism on the treadmill (I won't go into my fantasies, but it helps when you're running 7.5 miles an hour - lol). Now GoodVibes is a strange character. On the gym floor, we make eye contact but no conversation (he uses a personal trainer). He is a buff little guy and reminds me a lot of MySon2 (see previous blog). When he gets to the locker room, still no conversation and I get a reluctant hello if I speak first. But the strange thing is that if he and I are alone in the men's sauna, then he is chatty. Today we talked about his desire to spend a week at a spa. (I should tell him about the resort in Key West that would fulfill his needs). Again, once outside the door, he becomes distant. Damn, I hate this on again/off again shyt (thanks SmilingOnThaDL for this word - missing you already bro.). Shem hotep!

Back from Vacationing

2005-07-31T20:25:00.000-04:00

Well, after 2 weeks of driving in the mid-west, Canada and New England, not to mention a business trip to FL, I am finally home for a while. We logged 2800+ miles and spent 44 hours of driving time in the car. Now, that's what I call quality family time. For all of you young bloggers reading this, I highly recommend taking time off for yourself (Prodigal Sun got this right), and for all of you 'seasoned brothas' like me, do it while you still can. One of the highlights of this trip was dinner on last Thursday night with a young brotha who knows how to enjoy life, knows where his options are for the future, is charming as well, and is damn phyne as his blog picture. He can party with the best of 'em and still get to work on Monday morning. He's a good blogger and I look forward to our continuing chats.

So what do you do on a Sunday afternoon after traveling so much? Since my desktop computer has been fukking up and not letting me access the web through DSL, I have been relegated to dial up with my lap top. Well, I have had the equipment to set up a wireless network since March 2004, but I was too lazy to do it myself and I haven't had much success bribing, cajoling one of my buddies into doing it. Anyway, my desire to read/write blogs and use cams with some folks drove me to desperation. As of 20 minutes ago, I got this damn network configured. I have spent the sunny part of the afternoon doing this, and now it's raining like hell so I might as well stay in and use it.

To any of the brothas who I peeped in South Miami Beach on Saturday night, let me say y'all are some delicacies that makes a brotha want to relocate - LOL.

And finally to the brotha/blogger that I was chatting today, HAVE A GREAT TIME AT THE SUPER BALL tonight!! Wish I could be there.

And for those who clicked the picture link above, yep. I had a minute with no4real4real and that's FOR REAL.

Shem hotep!

Check out my frat's novel - Lazarus if you haven't already!!

Black Fraternity Survey

2005-07-27T15:10:00.000-04:00

I received these questions from Rashid Darden's Group. I have elected to post the questions along with my own responses. Hope you will reply to Dr. DeSantis with your own reflections.

1. Do you think openly gay men should be allowed to join your fraternity? Why or why not?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes. Nowhere in our constitution and bylaws is there an indication that Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. was established to promote any particular sexual preference. In fact, our Jewels bonded to survive in an otherwise unsupportive environment. Moreover, our fraternity ought not deny opportunities for individuals to contribute to the whole of society through our many talents. We are doctors, lawyers, athletes, family members, janitors, barbers, etc. The synergy of our skills, talents and abilities make for a stronger and vibrant society. We are a part of that culturally rich society and make a significant contribution.

2. Do you think down low (closet bisexual) men should be allowed to join your fraternity? Why or why not?

Whether or not one wishes to openly display or discuss one's sexual preference is a personal matter. Again, I would never support screening applicants based on sexual orientation. I would encourage responsible behavior for ALL members - gay, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transgender.

3. Do you think covertly gay (closet homosexual) men should be allowed to join your fraternity? Why or why not?

See # 2.

4. Do you think being gay is wrong (morally, socially, ethically, religiously)? Please elaborate.

No. Sexual preference is as broad across the spectrum as skin color, intelligence, aptitude, socioeconomic status and any other psycho/social descriptor. Behavior that injures others is wrong irrespective of the sector from which it originates - incest, rape, pedophilia, religious zealotry, theft, etc. Being gay is being the person you are meant to be - created in the image of God. Those who want to literally interpret the Bible as a basis for discrimination can find the scriptures to justify their beliefs. The pharisees tried the same thing with Christ, but he reminds us that he came to fulfill the law through the good news of the Gospels. But let us go one step further and remember that the Bible conveniently leaves out Gospels that the Church deemed inconsistent with the tenets it wished to enforce. Thus, the Gospel of Mary that gives women greater prominence is not there, nor is the Gospel of Thomas by Didymos Judas Thomas with other recorded saying from Jesus.

5. What are the national stereotypes of each NPHC fraternity? Do these notions influence membership?

The stereotypes are typically heterosexual men with varying degrees of macho characteristics. But they are just that, stereotypes. Yes, they definitely influence selection of members, but wrongly so.

6. Do you know of any openly gay members? How are they treated by other brothers?

Yes. The relationship has not been a positive one for a relative who is an openly gay member of another fraternity.

Here are the questions without my responses if you choose to cut/paste them into an email with your reply to Dr. DeSantis. Please email your comments (which will remain confidential) to .

1. Do you think openly gay men should be allowed to join your
fraternity? Why or why not?
2. Do you think down low (closet bisexual) men should be allowed
to join your fraternity? Why or why not?
3. Do you think covertly gay (closet homosexual) men should be
allowed to join your fraternity? Why or why not?
4. Do you think being gay is wrong (morally, socially, ethically, religiously)? Please elaborate. 5. What are the national stereotypes of each NPHC fraternity? Do
these notions influence membership?
6. Do you know of any openly gay members? How are they treated by
other brothers?

Shem hotep!

Vacationing

2005-07-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

If you've been checking out this blog, I haven't been posting b/c I am vacationing/traveling. Took my laptop but my ISP didn't have access numbers outside of the U.S. I'm back in U.S. now but still not at home. Will probably post something on Sunday (maybe about my dinner tonight with no4real4real). Stay tuned. BTW, if you haven't been to his site recently, hit him up and show a brotha some love. He could probably use some shout outs right now. Shem hotep!

Fathers and Daddys

2005-07-16T01:35:00.000-04:00

I read several blogs on a daily basis. Yeah, ya could say that I'm becoming a blog addict the way I need these with my morning coffee. Don't even think about coming up on me without my daily dose of caffeine, no4real4real, Rashid and Keith Boykin. There are some others that I hit several times a week as well. One of them I read a day after it was posted, but it really hit home with me, struck a really raw nerve and got me thinking again (which is always dangerous). Check out the posting by Valentino-of-ATL (formerly CT)for July 12. In it he talks some about his father. Now I always put this term in my impersonal category as the "other half" of my biological equation with that being his only contribution to who I became from that point on. Like so many other black males, I grew up without a Dad in my life. Now when I use the term "Dad," I imply someone who is there for you, who bonds with you, who helps you learn manly stuff, and who eventually leaves you a fortune in the will (had to lighten this up some).

Well, my father failed the Dad test. I wasn't even told his name until I was 24. All I ever got before that was, I'll point him out to you someday. So, after finding out his name, I did a little investigating and three years later learned he had left our small southern town, Smalltown, behind and headed to the Big Apple. Tracked him down in Borough, called and said I wanted to come talk to him (actually I wanted to see him at least once before he departed for the happy hunting grounds). Well, in a one time 15 minute meeting, it is hard to imagine but he managed to piss me off 3 different times. Hey, the old fucker was good, averaging 1 asinine statement every 5 minutes. And here they are:
1. I always knew I had another son and wondered what your name was.
2. How is your older brother Albert (his name is Alfred and is his son as well); and
3. Yeah, I lived in Smalltown until 1970 (the year I turned 18 and he never once said hello, kiss my azz or nothing).
Now, I always had the impression that he lived elsewhere the whole time I was growing up. To make matters worse, his mother (my paternal grandmother) lived 3 blocks away on the same street in Smalltown; his son by his wife (my half-brother) and I were in homeroom together in high school but didn't know we were related; and his daughter by his wife (my half-sister) used to ride home to the neighborhood with me and my older brother after high school. Learned later that she knew about me and my brother and thought that I knew. (She is a blog all by herself for another day - bitch).
Bottom line is that even bad examples can help us grow. I was determined I was never going to be like him or abandon my kids no matter what. My 2 boys ain't perfect, but at least I was there for them as 'DADDY.'
Ok. Now I got to go to the gym and release some frustration. Oh yeah, my 'father' had been dead for 3 years by the time I heard about it. Well, he was late in my life for everything else, so why should the end have been any different.
Shem hotep.

Are you gay?

2005-07-13T15:05:00.000-04:00

Now here is THE question that may be easier for those who are out but harder for those who are evolving. I believe no4real4real has appropriately titled his blog as "On My Way." The question was put to me today forthrightly by someone who is very out, open and working in a career that actively promotes gay causes. The question caught me off guard since I have never met this person face to face and only communicated with him through a few emails to promote a business enterprise of someone else. I am not going to tell you my answer to him. He nicely indicated that he asked because he didn't want to make any assumptions. Well, like no4real4real, I am on my way. If you look at my profile you will see that I am off to a late start. I still don't know where I am on my way to, but I definitely started on a new road about a month ago as I discovered some wonderful novelists (and you know who you are ;-) and people in the blog world. Plus, writing a blog helps me to explore some thoughts more completely as well as get input from some others. I value each of your comments as I engage in this journey. Not sure where it will lead me, but who knows maybe soon I will be able to answer THE question with certainty and no hesitation. By the way, since I mentioned no4real4real, I had to give y'all this glimpse of this black Adonis. Whew, is it hot in here or is it him!

Shem hotep.

"They're here. I'm going now."

2005-07-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

I haven't been in church for several Sundays. Today I decided to go because I was visiting with a friend who was going. But this blog today is not about church or my church attendance or my relationship with God. Instead, this is a memory that settled on me during the sermon about someone that I lost 2 years ago this month during one of the most difficult periods of my life. Myson2 was the older brother of one of my adopted sons and lived with another family. He had always been the stronger of the two during the time they spent in the social service system, had endured abuse, molestation and many of the other horror stories that you sometimes hear about kids who are orphaned. At 6 years old, his mother died and neither of the baby daddies stepped forward to take these 2 kids (my son, Myson1 was just a week away from his 5th birthday). So Myson2 became the protector, mother, father and guardian for himself and his younger brother. Now fast forward 7 years. Myson2 and Myson1 are split up by the system and sent to separate homes. I am asked by DSS if I mind having the brothers keep in contact. I say "sure" and the visits between them pretty much leads to him becoming a part of my household on weekend, vacations, trips, etc. He chooses a name for me, Pops. And so, another father/son relationship is born. Our trust level reaches the point that he let's me know that he is gay, and without giving him details, I let him know that we have some common ground. By age 17, he is fairly much on his own - his foster parents are older folks who find having a teenager to be more than they can handle. Myson2 establishes a relationship with 30-something DlLover. For the next 10 years, they have an on/off/on relationship. It is hard to say who introduced who to HIV. I can only tell you that it cost the life of a beautiful, spirited young man who had a great deal of love to offer the world.

I mentioned that this was a really difficult period. Over the years, I had struggled with Myson1 who descended into the hell of drug use. During the final days of his brother's life, Myson1 was unable to think about anything but feeding his habit. This to the extent that he robbed my house and pawned the items under his own name (police reports). His story may come in another blog. Since the police were already looking for him on other charges, I didn't press any, but got an eviction order. During this time, DlLover got in touch with me while I was out of town to tell me that Myson2 had died, and that only Myson1 could handle arrangements as his only known surviving relative. Of course, he was caught and arrested which put him in no position to do anything. A charitable organization was finally able to gain custody of the remains and have them cremated. The memorial service was held a month and a half later. Myson1 convinced the sheriff's department to take him to the service. Since I couldn't bear to be in his presence at that point, I chose to stay away from the service.

I believe we all need closure when we lose a loved one. Fratman1906 who has always found it necessary to advise others did not take the road (to attend the service) and he has come to think about it many times. It is especially true every July when Myson2's memory is so strong in my mind. I will always celebrate his brief life and never forget his trusting gaze and easy laugh. Oh yeah, the attendant at the hospice told me that on the last night as he came on duty, he went into Myson2's room to check on him. He asked Myson2 if he was ok, and he replied "they're here; I'm going now." Then, closed his eyes and died.

Shem hotep (I go in peace).

Rashid Darden Razzle Dazzles Me!

2005-07-05T02:59:00.000-04:00

First of all, I have been to more than a few places and met a great many people over my lifetime (remember I am "seasoned"). Plus in my work, I spend time with politicians, higher ed Presidents and a myriad of other personalities who can make you think you have seen it all, heard it all, and very nearly done it all. Yet, in the span of one afternoon/evening of quality time, Rashid Darden, author of Lazarus, managed to let me know the best is yet to come. We share a number of commonalities (I will let you ponder which ones) that probably led to our meeting. I can tell you that one attraction is our deep and abiding love for the characters in his premier novel. But I digress.

The place: Washington, DC - a place that I have traveled to for business, pleasure and family excursions since 1969. You would think that over that length of time, I would have seen so much of the City. And yet, seeing it with Rashid and through his eyes gives the District a whole new experience to be enjoyed. From Dupont Circle (a shout out here to Lambda Rising Bookstore) to his alma mater, to a great conversation over a honey vanilla latte (he ordered water) at Borders Bookstore, Rashid opens you up to new experiences.

The people: From bookstore owner and assistants to members of Alpha Phi Omega to kids in his neighborhood to his family (his Mom serves up a heavenly coconut pie), it is obvious that people who know him, love him. But this is the man who gave life to Adrian and Savion and told their story so vividly that you had to know that the author was a loving, spirited character himself. With hugs aplenty from his admirers, this young man is recognized in the community and has an incredible memory to recognize folks on the street from his journey. Ever the businessman, he whips out his business card and encourages folks to visit the Old Gold Soul website as he promotes Lazarus. Rashid is easily the valedictorian of the freshman class of gay, black authors that include Brent Dorian Carpenter, Alphonso Morgan, Frederick Smith, and Keith Boykin.

The sights: From his neighborhood, we watched July 4th fireworks. The sparkle not only came from the pyrotechnics that burst above our heads, but also from the sparkle in Rashid's eyes as he took note that for a few moments, his neighborhood kids could be kids again dazzled by the mini explosions around us, and his neighborhood parents could connect with their kids as they too looked toward the sky and briefly escaped the problems that become daily distractions.

The conversations: Did we talk about Lazarus? You bet [among other things ;-)]. Does he know where it will all lead? Definitely! Should readers stay on this literary train through the sequels? Unequivocably YES!! In the words of the O'Jay's Love Train - 'Cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you.

Rashid, when you read this - A great big hug and thanks for a memorable day. Much love frat. '06 & peace.

Bruce Bruce

2005-07-01T12:57:00.000-04:00

Yo everybody. Went to see Bruce Bruce at the comedy club last night. I think the camera makes him look bigger than he does in person (although he is no small person by any stretch of the imagination). But the point of this blog is to say it takes a strong person to sit in the front row of a comedy club where a comedian can see you. This poor fella last night was "brucelized" about his shirt. Bruce Bruce called it a LDS (little dude's shirt) and didn't let go until the end of the show. He even gave the guy a new tee shirt (autographed) so he could stop wearing the one that he had on. Now in all fairness, the shirt was old schoo,l and I had a few of them myself in the 70's. But for all of you who plan to fall up into a comedy club, especially with a black comedian, I say make sure your wardrobe is tight. Otherwise, be prepared to be "brucelized"! Peace & One.

My Mother - 19 Years Ago

2005-06-29T18:33:00.000-04:00

Today, June 29th, is the 19th anniversary of the passing of my Mother. The memory of that day is still as fresh as if it was yesterday. Bear with me as I tell this story today. I was on Active Duty for Training at Ft. Benning, GA, and it was a Sunday. Ordinarily, I would get dressed and attend church in Columbus, GA, but early on that morning, I told my roommate that I was not going. Instead, I tried to go back to sleep. I seemed to be in a dreamlike state between consciousness and deep sleep. In this state, I could see a shipping container for a body but could not see who was in it. It left me troubled.

Later that day, someone knocked on my door and yelled that I had a phone call at the pay phone. As I walked toward the phone, it's receiver dangling by the steel cable, I knew it was bad news of some kind. My Mother had been diagnosed with colon cancer on Valentine's Day and the doctor had informed my brother and me that there was nothing he could do. We were asked the toughest question I ever had to answer in my life - "do you want any resuscitation if she stops breathing." We cried as we said "no"; she was in such excruciating pain.

On the other end of the phone was my brother, tearfully telling me that Momma was gone. I don't know that I have ever felt grief like that before nor since. It is like feeling your heart is trying to burst in your chest. You gasp for air that burns your throat. I LOVED MY MOTHER! We were not a family to express emotions, and I don't think I ever said it to her. I only hope that she knew by what I tried to do to make her proud and to live up to her expectations, her hopes and dreams for me.

The funeral was on July 2, 1986; I went back to Ft. Benning on July 6th and threw myself into my training to ease the pain. Nineteen years later, the pain is still there, just under the surface, dully pulsating. It never goes away because her love for her sons outlasts her presence on this earth.

Dear Momma,
Your last question to me in the nursing home (200 miles away from our hometown) was "am I home yet?" Yes, you are. I know that you and my younger brother are reunited safely in the arms of God. I love you and I miss you.
Sadly,
Your middle son

Sex Quiz

2005-06-16T12:32:00.000-04:00

Since I am traveling this week and next, I will try to post some interesting stuff from fellow bloggers. Therefore, my first one thanks to no4real4real is the ¨Sex Quiz.¨

1) How would you describe your sex role? Top, Bottom, or in the middle?
2) How old were you when you first had sex?
3) Was it straight or gay sex?
4) How long did it last?
5) Do you remember his/her name?
6) When was the last time you had sex?
7) Where did you have sex at?
8) When was the best time have sex, early morning, afternoon, or late night booty call?
9) What is the first thing you notice about someone you are attracted to?
10) Second thing?
11) Third thing?
12) Have you ever participated in group sex (group being 4 or more)?
13) When was the last time you participated in group sex? Never 4 or more...
14) Which is better, being watched during sex or watching sex?
15) Have you ever double dipped? (had sex with more than one person at separate times in one day)
16) Have you ever faked an orgasm?
17) What is the wierdest sexual request someone has asked you to perform?
18) Did you do it?
19) Have you ever had sex in public and where?
20) What is your record number of orgasms in one day?
21) Would you rather have great sex with an ugly guy/gal or ok sex with a hot guy/gal? Okay sex with a hot guy (you can train them)
22) Would you ever tell a lie to have sex with someone?
23) How would you rate your sex life on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best?
24) Do you know how many sexual partners you have had sex with?
25) Finally did you think about having sex after taking this quiz?

Ok. If you want my humble opinion on Passion Marks, stayed tuned. I read it last week and it is awesome. My next reading will be I´m On My Way by Christopher David. Get it, read it!

I know I should post my answers, but my excuse is that I am on a timed computer in Seville, Spain and will post later. Besides this keyboard is screwy.
Peace